Shame is what I think you are carrying - meaning "I am bad" . You aren't bad. You had a tough go and made some poor choices–we all have to one degree or another, but now you are trying to get yourself together in a more positive way. Our society is full of compassionate people and those who hold stigmas towards things they disagree with or uncomfortable with. I think we all know people who say one thing and do another - and really, it's a good thing when that happens. It tells you whose good for you and who isn't.
Remind yourself that you will be okay. It might take longer than you want or it might happen sooner. Just be okay and content with each step. We are here in this community at any rate.

Most people on here are telling you the same thing in so many words. You can do it. I won't be easy. Life is difficult and it is good. Hold your head up. Do good. Do well. Know you are worthwhile. Keep those close who listen and understand. Make others earn your trust.