The Death Talk
Want to talk about Death?
No one ever does. Not a real conversation about the terrible bitch, the great reliever, the too-many-names-to-list, “devil in the details” DEATH. Perhaps, the time has come. Sit down. Let’s talk.
So, you’re new to death? Well, I won’t sugarcoat it for you. I’m not that cruel. You need to know three things about death:
- All living things die.
a. Cannot control, cannot change - Death process (trauma, extended, instant) and reaction (family, friends, public) varies, end result – Death.
a. Mixed control (suicide, homicide, euthanasia, natural) but unpredictable timing - Death is final.
a. Permanent, irreversible, no redos, no extra lives, no cheat codes, and no reset.
There you have it. Death, in short list form. If you’d like, think nothing more of the matter, close this document, and move on with your life. Carpe diem. I won’t hold it against you. Tempus fugit. In fact, I’d like nothing better than to move on to some cheerier topic like creating a Chatbot in Python. Death is a topic for scholarly research, in-depth analysis, cultural comparison, philosophic rumination, and poetic lamentations. That said, Death’s power is all-encompassing, so topically speaking, it also belongs to you and me in whatever form of expression we deem fit. I’ve taken a conversational approach (see that? I just conversed with you), though, I ask forgiveness in that, unless someone actually comments, this is a one-sided conversation. (If you’re responding in your head to things that came out of mine, I’ll never know. Does that mean I’m talking to myself?)
The Death Talk is quite solemn compared to the uncomfortable humor often found in The Talk (aka Birds’n’Bees). Unfortunately, The Death Talk is the terrifying moral at the end of The Talk (aka Police Kill PoCs) which is also uncomfortable for wholly humorless reasons. This isn’t a conversation about sex, gender, expression, nor identity. Neither is this a conversation about marginalization, systemic injustice, nor “ethnic cleansing.” Though, all may be intimately entwined with Death, they are subjects worthy of their own treatises. Besides, Death doesn’t give a shit about any individual’s feelings on any subject.
Receiving “the News”
How an individual responds to the news that someone [they, their family/friend, favorite celebrity] is dying, or dead, differs by temperament, culture, psychopathy, and a slew of extraneous factors. Interestingly, it also varies by proximity (close friend, distant relation), experience/exposure (1st, 50th, 500th death) and time dead (hour, day, year, decade, century). If reactions differ so greatly, how can anyone ever be prepared to receive “the News”?
The quick answer? One cannot prepare.
The long answer? Repeated exposure and/or psychopathy, neither of which are good solutions. In reality, preparation capacity differs by person and circumstance.
The really long answer? See below: “Preparing for ‘It’”
Preparing for “It”
When it comes to learning from past precedence, Death is secondary only to Life. That we, living beings, exist is unfathomable. That we might, therefore, stop existing is untenable and absolutely undeniable. That we exist, we face nonexistence? “When we look into the abyss, the abyss looks into us.” What is that heavy ass Nietzsche shit? “Stand back, don’t get too close, that’s a fucking abyss.” Would have been better. As it stands, we should thank Nietzsche for the creepy imagery that harkens to days of old where the lights weren’t on 24-7 across so many cities that astronauts can image our sprawl by light pollution. What abyss one might ask down here, while someone up there stares out a thin piece of glass on a metal tube that floats on the earth-abyss ledge. Can you wrap your nugget around that?
Life is down here, Earth-bound and Earth-beholden. (Other Life might be out there, chances seem high, that’s a topic for another time). In essence, Life is restricted to planetary habitats for survival. Life has a serious replication drive and an ever-increasing energy requirement. Consequently, planets, replicators, and energy dissipate over time, eventually experiencing catastrophic failure(s). Turns out Stars also “die.” In their Death wake they destroy entire planetary systems, altering the motions of nearby systems with a gravimetric ripple. So, there you were going along in your life as a billion year old Star, when you implode taking out your friends and relations with such force that inhabitants on a distant planet millions of years later see it like it just happened. Do you understand the ramifications? I don’t. I’ve contemplated for years and still don’t fathom what that means in the grand scheme of things like space travel.
What does any of that have to do with Death? The Sun goes boom, we die. Satisfied? Yeah, me neither. All I’m really saying is that it seems necessary to get some of us off this rock and out there into the abyss. Tell that Abyss-bitch, “Stand back, we’re searching for another Earth.” Which brings me to the point, contrary to the Coast Guard motto, semper preparatus, some things can’t be prepared for. Drill and stockpile your life away, omni morieris.
Dealing with Death
Time is not the healer it’s professed to be. Healing is not the burial of raw emotion under layers of seconds spent distracting one from the onset of a primal experience.
“You have emotions. Allow yourself to feel them.” That’s the best and worst advice I’ve ever received and, in turn, the best that I can give.
Embrace your emoticon of the day. Roll with the tide as you pile seconds onto a bad experience, soon enough you’re tide will come in. Feel and then move on. Death can’t be controlled. Don’t push it down, ignore it, or deny it. Acknowledge it. How you deal with Death largely depends on those too-many-to-list subjects we didn’t discuss earlier. Death will touch you in some way, when it does your coping method will reflect the values of your society, the qualities of your spirit, and the depths of your relationships.
I won’t waste anymore of your precious time with this Death Talk drivel. Go. Do live things.
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