Dispatch 005: Notes on depression

It's not a month since I was diagnosed. A month since my anxiety peaking and making me leave work. It is hard to write anything but I try. Whenever I start doing any activity after about 5 minutes I get anxious and I get the compulsion to stand up and go do something else. In fact, I can't do anything else. I just walk away. I have a constant tension all over my body and a mix of emotions.

Whenever I feel happy, there is an undertone of sadness. Everything terrifies me and I am overwhelmed with any challenge pending over my head.

I feel the guilt about any, even smaller thing I do toward others. This makes driving very difficult. I am bad at making decisions and I always want to escape other cars.
My hands are constantly wet. So are my feet. I lack appetite and I often forget about meals.

I have a baby on the way. This could be one of the reasons I feel how I feel. Work is surely another reason.
I have no idea how long this state will least for. I wish I could use this time for something, something productive, but I simply can't. Days go by and I feel like I am losing the grip. Some days are better, some are worse.