The Problem With Gatekeepers - Daily Meditation #13
Waiting for permission from others to commit to your craft is unnecessary. You don't need someone else to tell you that you are a photographer, a graphic designer, or a writer; you can decide for yourself.
However, before we truly commit to our art, we often feel the need to wait for "gatekeepers". Gatekeepers control who gets access to a particular group, organization, or resource. They might be professionals, professors, or public figures. These are the people that can say, "You are now one of us", and welcome you into their tribe. While their nod of approval can open doors for you, you must be wary.
There is a problem with gatekeepers: once you are behind their gates, you have crossed the threshold into their kingdom. Gatekeepers control gates, and these gates will confine you. There could be rules, regulations, and red tape to navigate. At first, you may come to find comfort in their kingdom, but soon you find that you do not have the bravery to return to the wild. After all, you waited so long for their acceptance. Can you really leave it all behind?
Will you owe dues? Will you be the lowest ranking member? Are the titles that they give you worth anything? These are the questions that you must ask before you allow gatekeepers to have power over you.
When you can't (or won't) wait for gatekeepers, there is only one solution: you must build your own kingdom. It might be small. It might be laughable at first. But it will be yours.
You are better off anointing yourself the King or Queen of your own shanty town, rather than wasting away as a peasant, waiting outside someone else's gates.
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Sometimes, I find it fun to join another tribe who welcome me since I think I am not really good at building my own. But finding one that fits my value was really challenging. I can always voluntarily leave since I was also coming on my own.
The important thing to remember for me is that, I come on my own and I can leave at any moment .
I think you are thinking about the problem of gatekeepers, so I don't think you can go wrong! You aren't blindly following the pack.
It is a wonderful feeling to be part of a group, especially when it is a group of people that are interested in the same things as you. However, people can wait a very long time for the acceptance of others. I just think that people should be wary of waiting on this type of validation.
And yes! It is important to know that you can leave whenever you want. Some people become very stuck in a way of thinking, and they become fearful of leaving the "kingdoms" that they have been a part of for so long.
Good points, @macchiata. I purposefully keep these posts short (and rather incomplete) to invite conversation like this.
Thank you for commenting.
Funny as it sounds, I find this can be applied in a relationship as well since there are times when
we 're fearful of leaving the kingdom that we've been part of so long even we don't really find ourselves there anymore.
I always enjoy your short yet profound article. I find them all fascinating but It's rather difficult to get you on my radar. Today happen to be one of those day, your post is showing on my feed and I am very happy about it.
@Macchiata, thank you! Seeing you return again and again keeps me writing. I love that you find these articles to be profound. One of my goals is to evoke thoughtful responses in others, so you are making my day right now.
And yes. This does apply well to relationships. We are seeking that validation from others. Once we have it, we are afraid to lose it. I think we would be wise to pay attention to when we feel like we need someone else's approval, rather than merely desire it.
Oh you are totally on it with this! :)
Gatekeepers shmake-meepers.
Seeking recognition, unfortunate as it may sound for our fragile identities, is egotistical...
Those who really lived, who are today really alive; definitely don't wait for others' approval
How many great painters, inventors, sculptors we would pay millions of dollars for a piece of their work? And in their day and age they could not even feed themselves for the love of their craft... And they still persisted for years even when they were completely anachronistic to their times...
We don't get anywhere from waiting for other's approval, and when we do, not only is it sheer "luck" on our part, but we can be sure that the reason we are getting somewhere is because the person pulling the strings to make it happen has an ulterior motive.
Life is all about going it alone... That doesn't mean you don't join other's "tribe", it doesn't mean that you can perform every single task by yourself...
But it means you take full responsibility for your happiness... You work your chops, you improve your skills, you elevate your consciousness, grow your wealth, become more self-confident...
All of these things are our responsibility... Nobody can "do it for us" so to speak... If we really need the help, the best they can do is hold our hand... The rest will always be up to us
Great post Chris xx
Hey @imp.unity,
Thank you so much for returning to my blog. I always enjoy your comments.
You've summarized my thoughts and more nicely here. Validation is a hallow mistress. You can never get enough of it, so it's worth cutting ties with it all together (if possible!).
I liked what you said here: "That doesn't mean you don't join other's "tribe", it doesn't mean that you can perform every single task by yourself..." Striking a fine balance between independence and community is vital. People usually lean too far one way or another. I feel as if I am only now beginning to master that balance.
Thank you again for showing up for me in such a big way. I know I don't need your permission to keep writing ;), but your encouragement is a wonderful gift nonetheless.
@ChrisMcCron
I totally get this, though I've never thought about this concept in these exact terms before- I like the analogy.
My life has always been knocking on people's gates, and building my own kingdom while I wait. The problem is that it seems that none of the gates end up opening, which discourages me... I keep building my own place but that human drive for being a part of something bigger is strong! It's hard to keep going solo sometimes.
Hey, @derosnec! Thanks for your support and your comment.
I think the yearning for belonging is natural and good. We just need to realize what we may sacrifice for our sense of belonging. Especially when it is a project you can spearhead yourself!
Too busy living life as it unfolds. Let them eat pie or try and keep up with me. Sorry. I don't play well with others but it's nice to have somebody to compete with.
If you're too busy to worry about gatekeepers, good! One less thing to worry about. :)
That's me. Too busy building. I've told some I'm to busy building dreams I don't live in em. Reality is a nice place to live. Living in the 3.5 milliseconds of what our feeble brain can comprehend as NOW ...that's the real challenge.
First comment yayyy. What is the source of this information?
Lol yes. You beat so many people to the punch! ;)
The source? My brain, dude. hahaha
Your brain or Emily?
LOL I can think for myself THANK YOU (but she does inspire me...)
Alright.