Seven Signs that You Are or Are With a Narcissistic Gaslighter

in #life3 months ago (edited)

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I've written on narcissistic gaslighting before. Recently, I've felt the need to write more in depth regarding this serious issue. There are still many who don't know what gaslighting is. Straight from the dictionary here's the definition:

"manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity."

My father was a narcissistic gaslighter. I learned all the terminology growing up and that's why I double majored in psychology.

Usually narcissism and gaslighting go hand in hand. At least with my Dad and a few others I have known.

Here's the seven major signs of narcissism to look out for:

1. 1. You’re crazy/you have mental health issues/you need help.
NOT TRUE in most cases. They think they are perfectly normal if not better & actually believe you’re the one who needs help. These individuals rarely take responsibility for their behaviors. They frequently undermine their victims credibility in an attempt to provoke reactions that are far from being appropriate. They enjoy convincing others their friend or significant other is a "bitch" or "nut case."

2. You’re just insecure and jealous.
NOT TRUE: Typically this is a ploy to make the victim feel doubt, insecurity about their intelligence or attractiveness, life competence, and personality. Typically, this is just them mirroring their own shortcomings onto you. If you sense deception, they may say you lack confidence whether deception is present or not. The same applies to flirting in a relationship. If you question why they're doing it; they'll just say it is a reflection of your own inadequacies.

3. You’re too sensitive/you’re overreacting.
NOT TRUE: They say this not because you're "too sensitive" or "overreacting" but because they are insensitive, cold, & callous individuals. They don't care about your emotions unless they help them in some way. They find your emotions and sensitivities amusing and enjoy putting you down.

4. It was just a joke. You have no sense of humor.
NOT TRUE: As previously pointed out narcissistic gaslighters enjoy putting you down. Therefore anything that is clearly antagonizing, saddening, embarrassing you, etc; they will find humorous. Some will call you names and when you find no humor in it say something else derogatory to you. As my Mom used to say:

If the joke isn't funny to everyone, it's not a joke

She's right and taunting & belittling fall under this category, similar to bullying. If it isn't funny to the intended person IT'S NOT FUNNY AT ALL.

5. You need to let it go. Why are you bringing this up?
Narcissistic gaslighters do these behaviors routinely, finding some joy in it. When questioned, they either act like the deed in question never happened, was minor, and the victim is stupid to inquire about the past, unresolved issues.

6. You’re the problem here, not me.
NOT TRUE! You, the victim will be subject to many personal attacks. You'll find yourself bending over backwards for the abuser in an attempt to please them. This is because they will intermittently treat you very well and then stop to keep you confused. You'll find yourself trying to fix all these flaws and it will be very disorienting.

7. I never said or did that. You’re imagining things.
CLEARLY UNTRUE: Further attempts to confuse you about reality and make you think all the abuse is just a figment of your imagination.

And that is that! I felt compelled to write that. I obtained some knowledge from Psychology Today. I hope this article helps someone. As always, thanks for reading & Happy New Year!


Such an interesting read, and I can think of some people who fit this habits so well

We all can, they're everywhere! Thanks for the read

You are right, they are everywhere so bitches beware! Humor can be complicated in a healthy relationship so I can’t imagine how a gas lighter might use it. Early in my relationship with T, he would call me a gas lighter but we have since then established that it is not so. It was just difficult to trust me having memory gaps.