Life Saga Part 1 - LOSS, PAIN, BETRAYAL
In today's world everything moves at a rapid pace. We often don't even have time to adequately absorb & deal with traumas. This leads to cold hearts and bitter minds. I know because I deal with it every day.
I grew up in a very unstable home where religion was pushed down my throat - like it or not fashion. I was sheltered to the point of insanity. The home was also abusive and there was no escape.
The "home" changed every two or three years as well. That's because we were constantly moving. Any friendships were then quickly lost. This was before the age of Facebook and insta- communication.
Finally at the ages of 12 & 13 I developed a really good friendship with someone but, once again the family had to move. My parents knew I really struggled with having to move away from my best friend or at least they should have. Being the oldest of four I guess they had other more pressing concerns.
I stayed in touch with that friend though. We were actually roommates 13 years later when I was 26. She was gonna be homeless. I said if you got the gas to get here you can live with me. Problem was she dragged her deadbeat husband into my home & mistakes were made that BROKE my trust.
That was the second time I lost a best/ very close friend. The first and third times were from death. I always feel at any time things will be ripped away from me & that even those closest to me will betray me. It's hard.
Sometimes, I feel that having a big heart is partially to blame for certain issues that weigh heavily upon me. So, I've basically radically switched gears in the past few years to attempt to avoid additional pain. Then the opposite problem occurs where friendship is incredibly scarce. Although, these days I think it's scarce in general. If you have a good friend, be a good friend. Don't stomp on someone's good nature. You might just stomp it right out of them.
This will be the first in a series of posts that I will call "life sagas." All 100% true stories. At the end of each post I will post a picture that was taken by me that I find soothing. Thanks for reading.
I emphathize with the frequent moving! I'm nr 2 of 4 and we also moved an average of every 2 years. Cape Town is the city I've lived in the longest.
They say moving house can be as traumatic as losing a loved one . I guess it depends on if the move is to a better or a worse place.
I understand having a hard time making friends. In my experience it takes about a year to build a new friendship.
Something else I have been thinking about recently is something my friend @scarletstar said:
"We are all someone's monster"
Just as much as there are people that we are afraid of that are oblivious of our fear of them, so we too are oblivious of having hurt someone in our past. As people we live our lives focused on ourselves and trying to survive and then forget the impact that our words, actions or lack there of affect those around us.
We need to learn to be humble, check in with our friends and loves ones and say sorry for our hurtful actions. There are some cases though where it is better for both parties not to pursue things and letting the relationship die of natural causes, as it were. ( in cases where there is no reason you would ever need to spend time with said person again. Usually a friend or colleague)
When we find ourselves holding on to hurts that are 10 years old, confronting the offending party will leave them confused in most cases. Sometimes all we can do is make peace with ourselves and learn from our mistakes. Some people you need to love at arms length. You can still care about them but for your own safety and sanity you stay away from them. ( in this case it could be family or ex lovers)
These are things that I have had to deal with. I know I have been a bully and I have tried to make right as far as I could.
It's a journey. Like Rafiki said in the Lion King: " Ah , yes, the past can hurt. But you can either run from it or learn from it."
Much love on your journey as you write your story.
Lizelle
I also found this to be comforting
I like the keeping people at arms length thing. And I'm sure I've done my share of hurting people along the way. Traumatic roots never help. Thanks for your thoughtful comment!!
I'm sorry to hear you had to move so much. I was lucky to live in the same house growing up and my parents still live there to this day. I could imagine how that could be rough switching schools all the time.
Yep! Exactly. I really have no clue what it's like to live in one area for an extended period of time.
Lovely post! I look forward to hearing your interesting stories. Yes, the human condition can be extraordinarily cruel...But that isn't all there is...
That's true. There is more to it . Thanks for b dropping in
That is harsh even more so when generosity is taken advantage of. As happens a lot with people who have big hearts. Which is always sad because the world does not have enough of a good heart in it.
I gave up on in person friendships with other people quite many years ago. Online friends come in go some times at such a high frequency little thought is even given. I just count my blessing I still have a couple of those for a number of years now. We have gotten to a point where it’s just not possible to piss the other one off. No needing to tiptoe around things. Advice is only given when ask. If the other tells you to go play in traffic we both kind of laugh it off and understand they must be having a very bad day.
I do worry how lonely the world could get one day. I hope you least have someone somewhere that you enjoy enough to talk with.
Online relationships can be really great but I don't have any deep relationships right now. Having a big heart means I'm the one always checking on other people and consequently my own emotional needs aren't covered. 😞
But honestly there are some good souls on steemit like you. Thanks a lot for your thoughtful comment
Awe.... im sorry that you lost friendships.. i will most definately be looking forward to the rest of your life sagas.. much love!!!
Thanks girl! You're awesome =)
True, life is tough but always teach some secret lessons to us if we able to read it then it will be helpful for us. But to remain happy, we should not expect anything from anyone because if they fail to deliver that we will going to hurt so expect nothing from anyone and you will not be effected by anything. Thanks for sharing your experience with us.
Have a great day and stay blessed.
Right, expecting nothing helps keep us from getting dissapointed
Yes.
I defiantly enjoyed your post looking forward to more!!
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