I will live forever

Probably, each of us has something that sore. What we are constantly trying to dislodge from our lives, but it vylazit just when we least expect it.
Quite recently, I suddenly began to formulate for myself thoughts that I would not have dared to say before.
For some reason, it has been very difficult for me lately to communicate with people who cover up their bad mood and failures on other people with fatigue and a hard life. And then I get ridiculous.
I rarely talk about my work. here all the more rare, because I do not see the point, but recently it suddenly became clear to me that even those who are next to me do not know everything.
Recently, for myself, I tried to describe my days and was horrified.
In the mornings at 6.30 a few times a week I study driving. That is, I get up about five in the morning. Then I drive to a car, then I run to the bus, I'm going to an hour and a half to work for 65 km. I work up to 6PM. Moreover, this work consists of running around and round, drawing up documents, investigations, courts, etc. Plus reports to all who are not too lazy.
evening home. There any nibdu personal-dance affairs, sleep after twelve and further in a circle.
University, which, although two pairs a day, but still need a payoff, plus checking the consultations of students.
Although I do not lead to this.
recently, I feel very sad and hurt that because I do not talk about how hard it can be for me, everyone thinks it's easy for me. simply easy and simple, because you smile all the time and do not say anything.
Sometimes I want to speak, but I do not say anything.
for one last conversation stretched in 25 minutes I did not tell a word about myself.
maybe I just have a lack of talk about myself?
although the more I keep silent, the less I want to talk.
it seems to me that I am becoming quite different.
I'm getting so wrong-grown that it's killing in me something real.
and I also read a lot about death and fairy tales.
And today, reading essays on thanatology, I suddenly wanted to cry.
Not from the fear of death, no ... but from such a feeling of loneliness.
I tried to convince myself that I'm not alone, that there are so many people around, even if they are not physically close, but ...
As an anchor at the mention of the evening, I remember this boundless loneliness and it seems to me ... I look into the abyss.
Although I know - I will live forever.