Why Some Intelligent People AVOID Socializing -Begin to HEAL!
A QUICK LESSON IN THE PURPOSE OF "SOCIALIZATION" -Life Skills!
Ok, We do not have it all figured out just yet .. LOL , but lets try ...
Some of the Best and TRUE Leaders on Earth Have the Best Hearts ...but so rare!
The very word "SOCIALIZE" creates great anxiety or dread with some people.
Well first what is so important about socialization ? Does this have anything to do with elite hobnobbing and snooty socials ?
Alright so lets not stereotype or fear a fun social gathering !
To start off... it does have much to do with " proper perspective. " Learning to respect and enjoy one another is a great start!
Why do some of the most intelligent people struggle with it ?? Statistically it is fact!
You know the typical crowd, “Wow, it’s Friday night, what are you going to do? Just sit there?” Well, yeah. Because there’s nothing out there. It’s stupidity. Stupid people mingling with stupid people. Let them stupidify themselves.
~ Charles Bukowski
Well it is pretty simple
Intelligent people may lack social skills- it is not uncommon to have the rare high i.q, but enjoy no success or achievement in life. Such people might work various low-level jobs and had a life story filled with disappointment simply because one may refuse to to engage in social skills. They lacked achievements because they were incapable of ‘knowing what to say to whom, knowing how to say it, and knowing how to say it to maximum effect.’
Be willing to learn! Start privately and then practice these habits in daily life! Stop fearing the worst and start learning to overcome, by looking up different things to say and do.
The mentality that " Socialization is a distraction from work" Sound familiar ? It is a reason frequently used to avoid socializing.
“I want to be with those who know secret things or else alone.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke
It’s more difficult to fit in with the crowd-I am a square peg within round pegs!
“So many people are shut up tight inside themselves like boxes, yet they would open up, unfolding quite wonderfully, if only you were interested in them.”
~ Sylvia Plath
Most intelligent people are compelled to act on their intelligence in some way by working on something, whether it’s a personal project or something to do with their career. They may also simply prefer consuming knowledge through reading or other intellectual pursuits than spending time out with friends.
Lets not get bent out of shape and take it personally. Lets work on seeking to understand each other. Socialization causes greater anxiety in intelligent people
“I have long held the opinion that the amount of noise that anyone can bear undisturbed stands in inverse proportion to his mental capacity and therefore be regarded as a pretty fair measure of it.”
~ Arthur Schopenhauer
Ultimately, loneliness may be an affliction the intelligent have to bear as the price they pay for their intelligence. Whenever you feel down because you feel like you don’t fit in and never will, remember: you’re in good company.
“A great fire burns within me, but no one stops to warm themselves at it, and passers-by only see a wisp of smoke”
~ Vincent van Gogh
Just keep in mind there are some that feel inferior to you so they work that much harder to over come this very same thing!
In the basis of socialization individuals acquire the knowledge, language, social skills, and value confirm to the norms and roles of the society or way there that they belong to . Ahhh that word "conform" ... it sounds controlling huh? If you are anti social it makes you want to rebel to just hear it ! Resistance is setting in!!! LOL, okay we have all been through it , but it was in the juvenile years. Now let's leave it behind!
It is PERSPECTIVE!
But lets look at the less "clinical reality"... Humans need that cozy feel good human contact and interaction from a young age and on a continuum to develop in a healthy way. Isolation at any age stunts growth and causes developmental disorders that blocks them from not fully integrating into any society. It is not about control. It is so they can live to flourish and be happy while hopefully helping others do the same. Showing a person or admitting to yourself the proper ways to live is not a put off, but is rather a building block to help get you through life no matter what life path you choose. Understanding the norms and values of education, religions, family, peer groups, work groups help you to navigate with ease through your life path. You may have experienced a trauma in a relationship where a person or a co worker that lacked in proper socialization hurt you badly ! Do not allow that person to make you crawl into a shell! Instead be an example of how to be. It is all perspective.
Instead of say " I could not possibly mingle with that group" instead seek to find a solution. Ask yourself " What is holding me back?" How can I sort this within myself or that person/ person's ? It is about being honest with yourself and communicating about your feelings, fear, vulnerabilities. Be honest, low key and clear about your concerns. Each person and each relationship is of great value, so it is worth it to try.
Socialization creates unity , team work and better work environment which leads toward better results !
There might be a person that could use your help, but if you live in fear then you cannot help even yourself. If you should choose to not address this then it may never happen and that is really sad and selfish. You might be that one person they would listen to ..if you just learned to open up and talk. Remember is not just about you. It is also about others. Learn to care about how they feel. Not just how you feel.
And we are not talking about selectively choosing one person to vent to ..we are talking about bonding with "people" you would have never thought you would bond with because you feared or assumed something about them. You might instead not only help "them", but also make a life long friend.
Interesting how these actions end up helping both you and another person?
A majority of primary educational institutions do not teach this however they assume that parents do teach it at home from an early age. Sadly , This is more proof of the down fall of the society that we now live within. It has become all about short attention spans, the most entertaining video, amazing eye candy, busy households, divorced homes, selfies, drive through relationships, food, the battle of wits-online , and for the lazy... basic survival ! So what happened? Why is the world now full of so much of this "Us Against Them Mentality?" Why do we seem to "wan't" and "expect " to have these feelings of inferiority? Fear creates a mighty and negative illusion.
Well maybe something happened at a younger age. I am sure you experience flashes of the worst moments of where it all began and traumatized from not handling scenarios in a socialized manner. It is not too late, but leave it behind you and be willing to let the past go! A new you can emerge! It can happen when you embrace the fact that others need you. Yes YOU!
It is important to feel secure, have health, safety, proper training and development in all that you do so you can feel at ease and in confidence of your foundation. Seek to be part of that, partake, encourage and include others. Be that person that you wish you could go to. Before you know it you are in charge of your life, others admire and depend on you. You see gratitude and feel it.
Now it takes work..One must have a good attitude and that is part of proper social behavior. As adults we have to be self disciplined rather than wait for someone to slap us on the hand and give us a wake up call. We do not have our parents over seeing us anymore. So taking that initiative is key. It is all part of the socialization process.
Now we see how this is not an inferior fruitless activity. Now see that we are not alone in feeling "different." It all starts with looking into how other people feel beyond appearances and your own fears/assumptions of them. Proper socialization and not just select socialization is one of the many keys to every societies survival. It helps to reach out beyond your comfort zone to make peace, dissolve war /conflict. Many key leaders of the world must understand this foundation and we know in today's world God needs more leaders with YOUR heart, so why allow of these opportunities in life to fly by ? You are among the future leaders,role models and teachers!
Socialization starts with the face and the body language.
A smile indicates your willingness to know more about the event and the people involved.
It guarantees you a higher probability of winning the interest of people that you might no longer need to make the first move to engage in conversations.
Of course you know what happens if you roll eyes, frown, look downward , ignore, so drop that like a bad habit We already know you are intelligent so not need to hide the smile.
Remember socialization is easy, but you can make it very hard. Most of you have knowledge, language skills and similar values and beliefs so you might be way ahead of most, so do not squander those gifts. Most have to worker harder on this kind of thing. If you hide yourself then they never get to experience what could be a true friend or guide within you.
Some of you know how to make others laugh, so you should use that more to break the ice and socialize
Be attentive throughout conversation-Show a sincere interest in what others are saying and it inspires fruitful exchange of ideas
Maintain an OPEN and POSITIVE frame of mind. When joining a social activity online or live you should expect to encounter people of varied beliefs, nationality, religion, orientation and sensibilities
All these basic's of life are how you achieve relationships and associations. Make time. See what happens. Alternate what you do so it does not feel so strange and odd. Do not give up. Practice makes perfect!
You might call yourself shy, but others might perceive anti social if you do not learn how to just break the ice. You feel inferior, but they feel rejected by you. You may have not considered that!
Finally I am presently guiding AND learning with others to be leaders and future leaders , so in case you did not know -
Many of us are meant to be leaders or among leaders in assisting them to a better way and future within the world. Socialization is a big part of that. A better and more desirable society is hinged upon our ability to maintain structure of that way and socialization is a huge part of that. People will never see, understand nor follow the vision of that way if you do not learn to reach out to others that you would normally not reach out to.
This is why it is KEY to make socialization a valuable priority in your life because no matter what life path you choose you will be among those who can change the world if you just step a little outside of your comfort zone to touch and make a HUGE difference in another persons life. Take a leap of faith and enjoy! Soon it will be a thing of your past
May God Bless, guide and protect you all Always !
Teaching Others is an Example of Helping Others !
Vicar General Cardinal Kelly Patrick
Credits and Sources
God and his son