Hello there dear. As someone who received the “orthorexia” label comments from family back when it started circulating in the news, I needed to read your story. I'm a bit busy always but I kept it open on my screen since yesterday to be sure I didn't lose you, I've just gotten to read it. I was thankful when I reached the end, to see you are eating in a more relaxed fashion these days, the stress alone from your journey no doubt could negate so much of the value of your healthy eating.

I can only speak from my own experience, while it must be a priority, eating in a healthy way for your body and for our planet shouldn't be stressful. Unfortunately in this current time we have let the demons run amok (see: Bill Hicks – Revelations – run don't walk for a good dose of life and laughter) and they have turned the world upside down. Twinkies and oreos, plastic cheese, and sick, diseased meat products are available all over for your convenience, but you have to, in many areas, seek out raw milk (the stuff that used to just be called milk) and the farmers have so many hoops to jump through to provide it. We cannot even pick up a pack of seeds from the store to grow our own gardens without looking into the company providing them, are they tied to the manipulators of life. We have to use our brains and be curious, wanting to root out the diseased parts of society for ourselves and make our own decision to use our money to vote them out of business, use our words to gently inform others of the layers of sick control that are woven through our world, and aim to be cheerful while wading through it all. I won't copy and paste it here, but one of my favorite poems is Desiderata by Max Ehrmann (there are changed versions out there – I have access to an old poster of it and the end line uses “cheerful”, not “careful” just to be clear).
Book recommendations:
Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

Last thing, and I'd suggest this to anyone, 5 minutes laying down on your back, focusing on your breath is powerful. When you inhale (through your nose) your belly should go out, when you exhale (through mouth or nose) you should try to pull your belly button to your spine (obviously impossible haha). Breath in for 3 seconds, hold for 3 seconds, exhale for 3 seconds, repeat. 5 minutes of this is so helpful, we don't breathe enough really, well some people probably do.

My love to you on your adventure in life. Strive to be happy.