My Panic Disorder Also What Studio Ghibli and Hayao Miyazaki’s Movies Mean to Me

Ever since I saw my first Studio Ghibli movie as a child, I have adored everything about them, from the beautifully detailed animation to the mesmerizing soundtracks by Joe Hisashi. However they hold a deeper meaning for me than just a great movie. To me , Studio Ghibli movies are an escape into a world that even to this day I use to calm me down. Suffering from a panic disorder, often the only way to calm my brain from going into an all out panic attack is to close my eyes, listen to the music and the the dialogue of the magical worlds Hayao Miyazaki has created for us. Everything about their movies relaes me and reminds me of a time I was a child with no worries and gives me hope for a future that might hold the same promise.

I was always a nervous kid growing up. I think comedian David Mitchell said it perfectly when he joked that there are two types of children, timorous ones and reckless ones and because warnings are made for the reckless ones, timorous kids live in a state of fear. Im paraphrasing and this was obviously a joke from him, but there is much truth to it. I was constantly in fear of being overwhelmed or not having control of my body. I can vividly remember getting my first panic attacks at age 10 because I went to an IMAX theater and I was overwhelmed by the opening logo with loud sounds. I haven’t changed much even to this day, while medication helps most of the time now, there are still situations I avoid like the plague.

In college my anxiety became the worst it has ever been when one day my medication had stopped working and during finals week I basically shut down. I was having panic attacks throughout the entire day and couldn’t even get out of bed. Nothing could calm me down and being away at school, it seemed like the world was going to end. If you have never had a panic attack let me tell you how it plays out for me. Many people might have different experiences, but this is just how mine manifest. First my heart starts to beat like crazy and I start sweating and getting very hot throughout my body, my hands get clammy and my vision becomes a mix of blurry/focus and my brain gives into every single fear I could imagine. I will sit there feeling like the world is going to end until after a few minutes my body will calm down a little. I honestly would never wish this experience on anyone and those who suffer along with me im sure feel the same.

Like I said earlier the best bet I have of even helping to calm me down is watching a Studio Ghlibi movie. Even if its just for a few hours I can control my mind and feel utterly relaxed. During the peak of my anxiety in college and for the few months afterwards where I had to transition to new medication , the only sure thing I knew that would bring me some sort of comfort were the movies I grew up with and loved. Within a 3 month period I must have watched Spirited Away 50 times or more, Castle In The Sky, Howls Moving Castle about 20 each and each of their other movies about 5 each. I literally consumed Studio Ghibli’s content for hours a day, whether it be the soundtracks or the films themselves.

I have seen everything they have to offer, even movies not directed by Miyazaki just because the worlds they create are amazing. Words can not express how much I am thankful for what im sure many think of as stupid animated movies. Im not huge into Anime, but for some reason these movies connect with me on a level that brings me harmony. Im sure we all have some sort of piece of art that brings us refuge during hard times and this is why in my opinion, all art forms are necessary to humanity. Its been a while since I shared a more personal story with my followers so I thought I might use this time to do so. I would love to hear if anyone out there has a similar connection another movie or works of art that they are just as passionate with as me.