Expectations : The fastest way to get depressed

Expectations and a basic human instinct

Human being's are tailored to anticipate events. This is why our imaginations are so elastic.

We can think away into the past, all our childhood memories, then drive all the way into the abyssm of the future.

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This work highlights the nature of human anticipation and how to handle situations you're not at home with when you expected otherwise to happen. Or better still, how to absorb shocks and handle disappointments in life.

When you expect that something could turn out great or turn out bad simultaneously, you will never be surprised.

“Don’t fight in the North or the South. Fight every battle everywhere, always in your mind. Everyone is your enemy; everyone is your friend. Every possible series of events is happening at once. Live that way and nothing will surprise you. Everything that happens will be something you've seen before.”

• Petyr Baelish( From game of Thrones)

As I was saying, anticipation is part of the basic human nature. And it's perfectly okay to anticipate. It makes us look smarter and more organised. Even more human.

But what happens when what we anticipated does not occur?

What happens when something we never imagined happens and life takes a wild veer off course. What do we do?

Here's what we do, we get depressed. We fell disappointed. We go into moods. We feel horrible and trust me this is not the best way To live at all. In fact depression is unhealthy for us.

A very quick way to feel depressed all the time is to expect too much from people. Now I'm not saying we shouldn't expect our friends or family today conform to a particular way or behavior .

But life is filled with exigency and we are never in lack thereof.

Things change. People change. Love hurts sometimes. Friendship breaks. Families fight.

So what?

Are we expected to anticipate less, or should we stop anticipating events entirely.

Absolutely Not!

Most times when people act in a particular way, you get surprised, you feel very bad too. The reason is simple : you thought you knew them, you expected much better from them, why the sudden change in attitude, why the breach in agreement, why the sudden change in character?

Longer Happier Lives

Well if we train ourselves to have Supreme acceptance . We may be able to weather some if not most of the surprises life hurls at us.

Sometimes such a training comes to some people automatically and at a very young age. People who have seen the bad side of the world so many times than they can count have no fear for anything. It can't get any worse, can it. They often ask themselves.

Accept blame and take full responsibility then let it go...

Recently, something very shocking happened to me. It may not be connected to this post, but I'm moved to put it here. I feed we may learn a lot from a little personal experience.

I have a friend who is more like a bestie to me. But somewhere along the line she started giving me signs that she liked me and for a brief time, we caught feelings for each other . We had our moments but we never spoke about ourselves. We never decided where the relationship was headed to. What we really wanted from all of this.

Then a couple of days ago, she opened up to me that she's dating one of my very good friends. I felt very hurt but I never blamed her a bit. I'd kept her in the dark all along and assumed that she saw the exact same things I did.

I immediately accepted responsibility and blamed myself for everything. If I had come out open with her, if I had defined the relationship, just maybe I may have had a chance. But I'm not so sad now because I accepted responsibility.

The theory of accepting responsibility has changed my life. If I suffer stuff now, I don't blame my family or background or pedigree. I feel like I alone have the right to write my own story, not them.

There's something that happens when we take responsibility for our actions. We notice we have a sense of control even if we lacked it previously. We can command events afterwards. We are not easily shaken.

Avoid self pity though

I'm not saying you should take the blame for things you never did. Of course not! Don't recline to self pity. But summon courage to man up to things that you reasonably believe would've happened differently if you had taken action than remained silent.

Train yourself to absorb shocks. Live as though anything were possible and you would live a more prosperous and even productive life.

Develop an attitude that anticipates all things at all times so you don't get thrown off balance and overreact. I'll leave you with the quote I made up :

"Build dikes on the shores of your heart the seas of life will not wash the salty spray unto your lands"

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**Image source : Pixabay **

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