Today my love is still asleep and I on the other hand cannot even close my eyes. I have not been here for a while as the energy I harness comes and goes so fast. I have good days and bad days. I wanted to write to all of you, my friends here on Steemit. I wanted to say and vent if it is ok. I am sick and tired of how the Goverment treats those who are in a similiar state that I am. I am happy to say that finally Canada has adapted a system of assisted suicide for those in terminal stage of certain illnesses. One of my Loves
@lynncoyle1 friends also just passed away from cancer at our age. She was able to use this service and she died at home peacefully. MY girl has endured so much lately that I feel such pain for her and honestly I am confused on what I should do.
Do I do what I feel is best for me?
That is a good question don't you think.
I think it is a great question but I keep coming up with confusing answers that still leave me wondering. I know that if I chose to do the easy way out that I am no longer a burden on anyone an that Lynn would be financially secure. I also know that our love is so strong that neither one of us want it to end. I know it will eventually have too and that I am not afraid to live with the pain as long as I can see her and feel her each day. The smile I see each morning makes me warm and content but inside I feel so useless and sorry for her. I know our love is so real for what she has had to do to keep me comfortable and safe. I know that inside the heart she beats true love for me.
I feel that most people would not want to know when they would take their last breath but I would rather know when will I go. The date and time. These days I wake up so disorientated and groggy that I feel like what the hell am I doing. The cost of staying alive has become a burden for us. Why?
I have been unable to work in so long that really why should I be here to just be here. You know what I mean. Why is it that the cost of breathing air is such a burden to those around us. I have to say that Lynns boys, my step sons keep me strong at times. They both say that I taught them so much in life and they are grateful for all I have done for them. All I did was love them and teach them what I knew. You see Lynn is the smart one but in this world it is me that has the street smarts lol. She says that alot to me. I taught them what I know about that and much more. I was a business major in university and feel that I was lucky enough to teach them more than life. I hope I was able to show them how to treat a girl and to love. To show that it is ok to show your true feelings and follow your heart at times. I remember that I would get a whooping from my Dad if I ever forgot to respect women, girls, ladies no matter the age. I was taught to hold the door for them and show respect. My first outing with the boys after meeting Lynn was a great day. I learned about them and vice versa but when we were leaving they piled in the car and I said WTF. I then told them about my Dad and had them get out of my car and hold the door for their Mom. I explained the importance of it and that later in life they would feel better about themselves by the actions they showed in the past. I am sorry for this post as I am so unsure of things and I am rambling like a idiot I think. I am also a believer that I cant delete this as its my thoughts and feelings. SO CONFUSED LOL.
Anyway my friends I am so thankful for meeting you all here. I would never chage any of it except I wish i could pull up in each and every one of your cities and shake your hands and say Thank you. I feel it was a privledge to meet each and every one of you even if not in person. I feel I know alot about you all and I know my girl will have friends here for a long time. Thank you for being here for us both and Thank you for listening to our story. I am content to know that because of you all my love Lynn will be looked after. You see we are a 24/7 couple and when I go she will be left with a void and I know she will be ok because you are all here to listen and talk with.
Please read until the end
From my soul I say these words
THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH AGAIN. YOU ARE FOREVER IN MY HEART............
picture taken when boys were younger
Your smile and our first adventure
words I really believe in my Babyloooo
ever since we met I have known we are unique
The way we talk and laugh with each other is different than anyone else
That I will never meet anyone I can trust as much as I trust you
I think most people search their whole lives to find what we have already found