What happens to the hundreds of rooms we are born with?

Photo by Cooper Smith on Unsplash

When we are born, we have hundreds of rooms in our beautiful castle-mind. There is a room for every beautiful personality trait, quirk, and quality.

But as we grow older, one by one these rooms have to be closed off. Why? Because we are told that this room is unnecessary — it’s the room filled with all of the sparkly imaginary friends. Then, this room is absolutely dastardly, because it’s the one with all of our creativity. We don’t need that, do we?

Get Rid Of Everything Everyone Dislikes About You

Then, there are all of those rooms, filled with qualities that are considered ‘bad’ by people. Anger, Jealousy, Determination, Strength, Personal Power, and so much more.

Those rooms, as well, are closed off one by one.

There are other rooms which are filled with qualities which don’t really help us succeed in the real world — like Grace, Intuition, Magic, Spirituality, and so on. They are thrown out the window as well, as we lock, barricade, and bar the doors of those rooms.

By the time we are a teenager, we have been told by so many people in our lives, that so many of our rooms are so abhorrent, that we are left behind with just a mere facade of ourselves. So many of our rooms have been barricaded that we don’t actually know who we are anymore.

Ask Yourself Who Are You Truly

Who am I? We ask ourselves over and over again.

I asked myself this question all the time, confused by all the mixed messages I was getting from outside and within myself. They never matched up.

I know so many others who did the same.

We wonder — Why is who I truly am so bad that I have to hide it all the time? It doesn’t make any sense. I wouldn’t be who I am, if it was bad. But everyone is telling me that it’s bad. Did the universe make a mistake while creating me?

We don’t realize or remember that the universe is not lazy and it doesn’t make any mistakes. EVER.

There Are No Mistakes

So we are not a mistake. None of the qualities we have are mistakes. They are all gifts that have been put inside of us for us to discover like a kid on Christmas Day.

Just because we closed off the rooms one by one, doesn’t mean we can’t open them one by one. I believe I am on that path. As soon as I turned 30, I realized that I had lived almost half of my life, and I had listened to others for way too long. It was time to live on my own terms. It was time to open up all of those dreaded rooms and see what’s really going on within them. Are they truly as terrible as I have been told? Or was that a lie just like so many other lies I have been fed?

I started with one of the easier rooms. Find the key, unlock it, and peer inside. Meditation helped me do this.

And what did I find? Oh, the quality in that room is actually something I want in my life. What the hell? Why did I close off this room?

We close off the rooms thinking that everyone knows something better than we do ourselves. We forget that most people are dealing with us as blind as we are. They have so many rooms within themselves that are closed off as well. Why are we letting ourselves be led around by a blind person?

Isn’t that foolish and dangerous?

Open Up Those Rooms Again

One by one, the rooms came flying open. Like a child tearing open the ribbon on a much anticipated present, I tore through all the barricades, and the locks. I wanted to see what I was really behind all the facades. Behind all the closed doors.

I’m still in the process of opening these doors up. Some of them are really scary to me. Like when I discovered that I am a creative person and I can’t live without that trait. That was a scary plunge to take. There are others that I am discovering which are even worse.

As time goes on, more of these rooms will be opened up and as we un-smudge the mirror after an especially hot shower, we will be able to see our true reflection in the mirror. Who we truly are.

Somethings about myself that I have rediscovered I like a lot. Some I don’t like at all.

But they are all part of me, just like the fact that I am black-haired, and my second toe is longer than my first. Indubitable facts that can be altered, but never forgotten.

Why Does It Matter?

There are some in this world who spend their entire lives trying to make you forget who you are. If you forget who you are, they can tell you who you are. Then, they can tell you, “You are 34-year-old Torontonian, who loves to shop, eat out, and dance at clubs doing cocaine with the bankers, going home with one of them, having oodles of random sex, being hungover the next day, going to work after a numbed weekend, working at a job that makes lots of money for a corporation, and you love this life!”

But when you un-smudge, you realize, “I am a 34-year-old child of this world, who loves to create, write, and teach. I want to spend all of my days, sitting at a creative spot, with other creative people around. I love to dance, but not in a club, under the stars and the sun by the beach, where I can see other conscious people and mingle with them. I don’t like working for someone else, and I am an entrepreneur at heart. This is the life I love!”

The details don’t matter.

If you like the first life, that’s absolutely fine. But it should be your heart saying that. Not a banner in the sky telling you that you like it.

We Numb Ourselves Because We Don’t Feel Right

I think I numbed myself with shopping, overspending, overeating, sugar, carbs, alcohol, and sex, because there was something missing inside of me.

All of those closed off rooms were clamouring for attention. Even though they were closed they still wanted to say something to me. They were telling me you are missing parts of yourself. You need to find yourself, if you want to be completely yourself.
I had to numb myself, because I didn’t want to listen to those voices. Because if I started listening to those voices, I would have to start opening up the rooms, and that’s when I would find out all of those horrible things about myself that people had told me to keep hidden.

Of course, the rooms revealed nothing bad once opened. But also, without those beautiful, and horrible parts of me, I wouldn’t be who I am.

I need to have all of myself within me to be who I am. All of it!

No exceptions to the rule.

Ah, This Is Who I Am, I Say Relieved

For the longest time, I listened to those advertisements and societal messages. They told me what I ate, where I went, what I did, when I did it, who I did it with, and how I did it. It was all prewritten in a weird deterministic manner. Free will? Who needs that shit?

But, then as I figured out who I was, so much of who I truly was so different from the life I was leading.

It confused me. Why am I living this life that I don’t like and doesn’t jibe with the real me? Why would I do this to myself?

Tearing myself away from the prewritten life and writing a new story for myself, was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

I had to give up friends, notions, ideas, cities, and so much more to get to where I am right now. And I am still shedding. Shedding so much. So many preconceived notions fed to me through the IV of advertising and consumerism.

Every day, I let something new go. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go.

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