I Lost My Mom for the Second Time
My mom died yesterday afternoon.
Last Thursday on the 18th, she didn't know that she had failing kidneys when she also suffered a heart attack. Even though someone administered CPR she had no oxygen to the brain for 45 minutes before they were able to get her heart beating.
She didn't wake up.
She was deemed to be "brain-dead" and on Jan 22nd, the ventilator was shut off. Her body stopped breathing @ 4:40pm.
But that was just her body.
I really lost her 20 years ago due to mental illness. Something called schizoaffective disorder. It is a disorder in which the person suffers both schizophrenic and bipolar disorder symptoms at the same time.
These people spend most of their lives in an intermediate state, with lots of psychosis and lots of depression or mania, but not enough to be fully bipolar. They also have symptoms of schizophrenia but since the psychiatic community says that a person can't have bipolar disorder and schizophrenia at the same time, their symptoms go back and forth between the two diagnoses.
I was first aware that something was wrong with my mom about the age of six when she started getting mood swings.
Her sweet and lady-like personality changed and she started exhibiting strange behaviour. At first this was attributed to post-partum depression as this started occuring when my brother was an infant.
It didn't get better though, it kept getting worse. She started getting grandiose thoughts and seeing things that weren't really there.
Soon this started the first of many trips to the hospital for treatment. I can't recall all of the medications that she was on over the years.
The pattern would be that she would:
- Get the treatment
- Take her medication and symptoms
would disappear - Think that she was "cured" and stop the
medication - Symptoms would reappear.
And I went through this cycle with her dozens of times until 20 years ago when she decided to go across the country.
It was then that I parted ways with her and began living my own life. I knew that she couldn't be helped unless she could recognize that she needed treatment.
Where I live, there are very strict laws on making people take medication against their will; even if it's required. As a result, the parent that I used to know disapeared a very different person took her place.
So, even though I lost my mom physically yesterday, I truly lost her back in 1980 due to mental illness.
Mental illness is a tough thing to have in the family I am sorry for the loss of your mother
Thank you @rebeccabe.
This was a brave and truthful way to deal with life on your end.
Sorry I have not been by much. I am not really doing that good on my end.
I hope you have a nice weekend friend.
Thank you for the support always here and there.
I've been told that the 3rd week of Jan is the hardest one in the entire year and I know that there are others in the same boat as us. Don't forget, you are a kind person who wears his heart on his sleeve. People will try and take advantage of that.