A long way from my family, and a costly mission indeed...

So I've done what I think is the hardest part, emotionally. Left my missus and kids behind to stay with some good friends while I have my face sorted out. I was supposed to have surgery today but the wounds are too inflamed to operate yet so I'm on drugs to relieve that and hopefully get my surgery within the next week or so.

This isn't all bad because it gives me more time to mentally prepare and get used to the fact that the pain is going to be severe and never-ending until I get it all done. And then maybe, just maybe, get back to a life worth living. This also means I have more time to get you all up to speed on what I've gotta get done and why...

So basically,

My jaw and teeth are absolutely fucked. I'm sorry for the language, but it's honestly the best words for it... My jaw was broken some 8 years ago and it's never really healed. I have 3 "hinges" in my jawbone where it constantly moves around when I eat or move it. Yawning even, is a pain in the arse that normally takes me hours to get back to good after.

Two of the "hinges" are from when it was broken, and the other one is from my impacted wisdom tooth pushing hard up against the molar, resulting in a crack to the jawbone to release the pressure. This wisdom tooth has already crushed its way thru the last molar, and this is the second one, so there's still the roots of the old molar trapped under this, along with the aforementioned crack, with it's floating bone fragments coming out every so often.

This means the obvious lot of pain, but infections from the open wound in my mouth trapping food and other nasties inside the area. Sepsis and Toxic Shock Syndrome. Yes, Men can get TSS, and they can die from it just as quickly. I was lucky enough to walk out of the hospital enough times now to know, it doesn't fuck around...

Right now all 4 wisdoms are still in my head, still rotting away, nothing but sharp edges of the sides remain, like an old abandoned castle, leaving only jagged remains of the walls. I can't eat normal food like normal people, I have to blend and whizz everything to a paste or soup, so I don't need to chew it, getting food caught in the dangerous infectious places... It's all about self preservation.

My cheek and tongue is always covered in deep cuts, and lately, I don't know how, my jaw plate on the left side has bent inwards, leaving my cheek tissue pinched between the sharp wisdom and molar remains... The bruised up cut section of cheek looks very similar to a bullet wound. My entire mouth these days is practically scar tissue, waiting for it's chance to be the next big infectious superstar... If it wasn't for the constant use of alcohol-based mouthwashes and anti-biotics (both pills and injections), I'd have died long ago...

This is just my #story.
I didn't really want to tell it but now I'm so far in...

But it's not about me anymore.

It's about my children. As I've said a few times here now they deserve a much better me. They shouldn't have to miss out on all the good things in life coz their Father was too broken to earn a decent living, or he was too sick to be able to watch them ride bikes or take them to the park, etc.

I fucking love those little guys, they did nothing wrong in this world to deserve to endure my fails, and neither did my missus. She's honestly the greatest thing I've ever found and is my biggest fan and supporter from the background. She'd rather not be identified here and I'll respect that, altho I did upload a pic of the kids against her will :( I'm sorry...

The next phase.

The future for me, obviously scary and full of pain, isn't all that bad. Because there's a silver lining. I've been trying to record videos for this but I end up rambling like crazy and using a lot of "and uhhhhmmm" and "yeah and uhhhh" and just random swear words when I can't think of what to say... Some of these are great, and it gives me an amazing feeling talkin to the camera. I've never done it for the internet before so let me know if you think this ugly mug should speak :P

Over the next few days I have rounds of X-ray's to go thru, and I'll be sure to show you all just what it looks like now... I have some from 2 years ago but they're not really relevant until I show you how it is now... I'll try and get a video up during this time, maybe even take a friend to record the unco-as-fuck OPG X-ray machine. Those things suck when you've got a broken jaw...

Thank you to you all for the undying support. It's amazing beyond belief that people wanna know me, let alone my story, and the community here is so very friendly and supportive. Just having a place to talk to people let alone tell my story is giving me a whole lease on life, and I'm loving you all so much for it... I'm definitely going to record a video for you all covering this, just gotta get over the jitters :P

Anyway, this has gone on long enough...

Don't forget to stop by my new chatroom to keep up with things.

Thanks again for stopping by...

<sup>If you liked this, then check out the other pieces in this blog...

Torturous Trials and Tribulations - My next 6 weeks...

Also feel free to check out my other open writing work and leave any comments of feedack...

Why I love being COMMITTED to the BLOCKCHAIN

Steemit and Manic Depression - A Dangerous Mix...</sup>