"You Raped Her Because Her Clothes Provoked You? I Should Break Your Face Cause Your Stupidity Provokes Me"

“Girls should not wear provocative clothes.”

“Tight clothes and jeans cause rape.”

“She was a bit of a loose character anyway.”

“Cellphones in the hands of women is what is causing trouble.”

If you live in Nepal, chances are you have heard the above lines. Despite all the increased attention and deliberations on crimes against women, this “it-was-kind-of-her-fault” narrative refuses to die down. It is not just limited to ordinary citizens. We have had people in power make similar statements. Many religious organization heads believe the same, as do large sections of the police force. Sure, feminists scream and, with media outrage, shut down such people. However, deep down, the beliefs remain.

In fact, it’s not just men; a lot of Nepalese women believe the same too. They also think and sometimes say, “Why does she have to wear skimpy clothes?” or “Why did she have to go watch a movie late at night?”

I am a staunch feminist and loving wife of a husband, and yet I think this question deserves a more complex answer than a simple YES or NO. I hope we all agree that the way a woman chooses to dress is NEVER the cause of a sexual crime committed against her as in, she is not the instigator of that crime. The criminal is however live in the real world, that is full of scumbag individuals who I cannot control. Is it wrong to teach my children to NOT hang out in unsafe neighborhoods where they, as suburban, naive, children, are more likely to be mugged or murdered? Shall I be teaching them that they are at fault of they get mugged or murdered? Obviously not.

I will simply teach them to be aware of their surroundings. In the same way, I want my daughters to be aware that they exist in a world where sexual predators exist, and that these predators often treat women aggressively who dress a certain way. Do I wish I could change that? Absolutely. Can I shield my daughters from all sexual deviants out there? No way.

I know that many rape victims aren't dressed provocatively when they were attacked (but also that many are.) I believe that women should be free to dress how they want, regardless of someone else's potential reaction. I know men aren't these helpless sexual beasts who go crazy when a certain amount of skin is revealed. I'm only saying this: I've partied, clubbed, bar hopped, enough to see and hear first hand how certain scantily clad women are treated by bad men. There is some balance to be had. Do I think it's right that men "cat call" women and their bodies when they go out at night? No. Will that change? No. Can women choose to dress more modestly as a means of avoiding those awful men, yes. Just the same as I'll never be able to stop all the murders and muggings, but I can certainly be aware of the neighborhoods I'm traveling through...

A woman has a certain sexual power, and she has the right to use it if she chooses to!!

However, most male-dominated societies have denied and judged women who try to use this power. When we ask women to cover up, we deny them their choice in expressing their power. Therein lies the inequality. We never say men should have their hands tied up when they go on the streets, to check their muscle power, so that they cannot molest a woman. However, we have no qualms in saying a woman better cover up if she doesn’t want to be molested. Therein lies an inherent biased attitude against women. It is denying women their free will, with no equivalent penalty for men. What’s worse, in the case of an untoward incident, it lets the offender off the hook and questions the victim instead.

That is why this attitude must change. A woman has the right to aim to look attractive walking down the street. And a man, no matter how immensely and inexplicably attracted to her he is, has to seek her consent before he can infringe on her personal space. Hence, a woman has a certain sexual power, and she has the right to use it if she chooses to.

We have to make all our men and women understand these concepts. Outrage won’t help. Sensitivity to women’s issues will come from educating our broad population about power, individual rights and free will. Meanwhile, she can and she will wear whatever she wants. Not because she is modern or inspired by the West or has corrupted her values. It is simply because she is a free citizen living in a free country called Nepal. And don’t you dare try to deny her that.

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Thank you for your time!
@bindu