Ahhhhh. I admire you. I do not have an I am ____________ box on my resume. Maybe some day...

I have a whole bunch of I am nots. I know what I'm not, not what I am.

I studied and lived Zen for about 15 years, except for that pesky rule about 'do not use intoxicants'. My master knew I was a lunatic drunk and kept at me, much to his credit. The point is, as I read your description I read my own. Pretty powerful stuff.

I celebrate and honor Yule with my Pagan friends, I celebrate and honor Christmas with my Christian friends. I honor Ramadan with my Muslim friends. I celebrate and honor the solstices and equinoxes with anybody that passes by.

Like you, my greatest fear is for my mind. I've already been dx'd as crazy, turns out I was just drunk. I watched my father slide into the relentless void of Alzheimers and fear that. But I don't let it shape me, it's a horrible waste of time. I either will or won't and just damn little I can do about it. I am pretty sure that a Sudoku a day won't keep me from it, but I do so anyway...

Thanks Petra. I really appreciate your candor and willingness to share this with us.