Hi! I liked your courage for writing your story and your feelings. I find that we are often too hard on ourselves, much more so than other people are. So really, that's the importance of being our own best friend that we are the first ones who are kind to us or not then it colors and shapes our reality. I mean as infants our parents do this for us. But as adults we should be so lucky to see through bad programming. These belief systems that we inherited are often erroneous because the truth about each and every one of us is that we are amazing beyond belief! Infinite beings of joy and wonder. May we keep that with us always!