My Untold Story: Heartbreak in Semestral Break

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Everything was so delightful and perfect. A perfect family, apt friends for me, a cute as a button pets and special someone who is a man for all reasons. It was like having a superb meal that glutted a craves. I can say that I have the best of both worlds at that time. Even if I am from a family of what we called "family that is pinching pennies", but we can still clutch at straws and live happily like what we can see in a movies. Yes, it wasn't easy for me as I am a student and basically needs to have sufficient finance for my schooling. I do have part-time jobs like online and home-based tutor and my dad is an overseas Filipino worker in the Middle East, somewhere in United Arab Emirates (UAE), for 6 years. Yet, the net income of our salary wasn't enough to sustain the needs of our family. In fact, Filipino families always have this "close family ties" value, which means "family first" and equivalent to a responsibility of sustaining the needs of the whole member of the clan equally and without any bias or favoritism.

My dad is from a broken family and never experience to feel a love of a father. He never had any memories with my grandfather doing things that only a father and son can do. But, they see and know each other. I guess it is saying, "so close yet so far". He is only an undergraduate high school student yet his skills are beyond the diploma or probably equivalent for those people who finished their degrees. He is capable of anything, skillful, wise, hard-working, selfless, generous, loving, caring, versatile, brave, cool, understanding and a good father in our family. I think he experienced already all the jobs in the world just to give the thing that makes our family happy and survive.

One time, we have a man-on-man conversation to each other and shared our thoughts on various things in life. After that time, things were cleared for me and I can now understand why my dad was so eagerness to give us a good life and that he don't want us to feel what he feel before. It was really heartfelt and sad confession of my dad. I wasn't expecting him to cry in front of me like a crying a baby. It was painful, really painful.

Luckily, through my hard work, courage and with the help of my parents support, I got a scholarship for college to fulfill my dream and my dad's dream for me. It is just simply, to finished study and have a good paying decent job in the future. Not to brag around, I am also a consistent honor student since grade school up to now. So, I can really say that, "After all my life isn't dark as it is and there is always a rainbow after the rain".

Maybe, because I am still a teenager or just me that I have some sort of little goals to give flavors to my tedious and dull life. Like going shopping even it costs an arm and a leg and not to caught between two stools in choosing things that I want. To burn the midnight oils just to hangout all my friends in a decent restaurant and buffet and all other germane situation that can describe a life of a teenage guy who jump on the bandwagon. "Dreams are good and healthy but overdoing something to reach it, are unhealthy". I can really say this because of what l’ve been experiences so far. I also came to the point that I am "super-duper-extra" focused on my studies and forgot things outside of it.

I admit that I was sitting pretty, get a free ride and in the heat of the moment back then, not until a drop of bombshell happened. It was on mid-year of 2016 when my dad was diagnosed with a nasopharyngeal cancer stage III, a rare type of head and neck cancer that starts in the upper part of your throat, behind the nose. We, the whole family and even my dad, were struck dumb of the news from the doctor. It was a mere and a sudden collapse at first until it becomes severe.
At that time, all of us feel like we were cooking something under the heat of the sun and not knowing what was the menu and recipe for the day. Squeezing questions like a lemon and orange if it is really true or not. Crying like slicing and chopping a basket of onion. "It wasn't real, I hope I am dreaming", a thought in our minds.

After a couple of months, I thought everything will be okay, that my dad will be normal again after a few medications and chemotherapies. But it got worst after worst. Still, I wasn't paying attention with the situation and just focused on my studies at that time.

Due to his condition and illness, he was forced and decided to go back here in the Philippines and to be taken care by our family. It wasn't easy decision for the company and for him. He even told us that, "if I go back there in our country, how can we survive? Can we still eat 3x a day? What will be our future?". Indeed, my dad is very selfless. Even in his condition, he never thought about himself but for our family. But still, he went back. He saved enough money for us to eat not for his medication (because, it was unexpected). He just got a two session of chemotherapy in Cebu City and go back and forth in the hospital.

Suddenly and worst, after a few months fighting for his illness, nothing happened. Despite of being ill, he still manages to find ways to have money and support our family. He goes around and look for a job. He is a super dad and very responsible father. The same year of his confinement, our house got caught by a fire from our neighborhood houses. It sucks and I feel like I will become off one's rocker. I even have a saying at that time to the world like "are you afraid of me, why give a lot of problems at one time?, if you can give it one by one at a time." Life sucks and it wasn't my year.

Obviously, everything was back to zero. No house to stay, no clothes to wear and no everything even my documents and passport was burnt. With the help of our relatives they let us stay at their home for a couple months to rebuild and recover again those things that gotten away from us. It wasn't really easy but I guess life must go on. So, I went to school again a day after the incident with nothing on my hand and wear the same clothes just to take our 4th examination in trigonometry (I do have a summer class at that time).

My dad is still the same and stable as the moment. But after a couple of weeks, his condition got worst and declined to ate something. He always cry and says that he was afraid of dying and living us in this world. It breaks my heart hearing someone you loved the most talking those stuffs. I know he was fighting for us and for his own good at the same suffering with his illness. Nothing beats heartbreak of hearing your father crying every night and always telling you his last words like to take care of our family and he loved us so much. Sucks, it was really a heartbreaking and down in the dumps.

It was 2 days before my birthday and our last examination before the semestral break. I was so happy like I don't have any problem at that time and then my classmates were planning to have a food trip and I declined to their invitation because I want to go home early and do what my father wanted me to do with him last night. (Because, as I am studying, he wants me to massage him but I decline and decided to continue studying.) I waved and smiled at my classmates saying, "Goodbye, goodbye guys". Then, I went home. It was a blue night, really silent night. As I am walking in the street near at our house, I saw a lot of our relatives and neighborhood. It was my scariest and heebie-jeebies night. "My supportive dad is now on peace." Again, it sucks and I wish that night didn't happened and to wake up in my worst dream. I didn't even talked with him for the past few days because of my hectic schedule in the class and didn't give him what was he requested from me. I was really a terrible son- a very selfish and unworthy son.

Now, we're trying to move on and to make that downfall in our lives as an inspiration. My father, who did his very best to give us a bright life, will always be remembered. It's been 1 year and 9 months since he left us but still his memory will always in our heart. Never be forgotten. His dream for me will be soon unlocked this coming June of 2018 and hopefully I will finished my undergraduate research study and have a good stable job in the future.

"A strong person is not the one who doesn't cry. A strong person is the one who cries and shred tears for moment and gets up and fight again."-DumpaDay.com

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