I personally understand - at least I think so - now just to explain.

Just as much as I enjoy your post and really like your perspective because I somewhat agree, it is just my perception of what you are trying to convey.

It is unfortunate that it isn't really possible to see people as who they really are. I can only construct my perception of another based on my understanding or lack of understanding of another's actions, words, deeds, etc. whether directed toward me or observed. These impressions of someone else are all measured against ones personal ethics, opinions, spirituality, life experience, current state of mind/emotion, etc.

Of course there are countless more lasting & momentary influences that could be named however I believe you will understand without me contemplating and naming an extreme list.

As all these variables affect our interactions and observations of others to form and shape our perceptions, the simultaneous process occurs the same for the others around us regardless of observer or recipient status.

I do believe you have the answer though buried within your writing. What matters most is intentions. Ones intentions are pointless to profess because a verbal description always falls short and any attempt will hollow it's very description if there is already some existing injury. There is only one who can ever truly know what intentions are and that is the deepest part of any one's person.

It also doesn't matter if you are aware of your own intentions because everything we do is a reflection of our true characters - including our very thoughts - regardless of eventual actions aligned or opposed to them.

I would never hope for life or people to always be fair. Those things are not within my control or something I desire to have control of. Any resentment or misgivings of events or relationships are internal personal constructs of perception. Forgiveness of others is something we give ourselves and not everyone will achieve that level of life experience to be able to continue to grow.

The best that one can do is determine their own values and try to live up to your own expectations of them. Stop measuring others by a set a values you have determined that are suitable for you alone, and be honest in the measure of yourself to those values.

That task alone is challenging enough for any spiritual being having a human experience.

Live long and prosper.