Social Relativity

in #life6 years ago

First off, I'd just like to point out that I came up with that title and I don't think it's an actual term :) but, it perfectly describes the problem I'd like to address. But what is the problem?

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Social Relativity or whatever term you'd like to use, to me is

"Measuring your life, present state or attributes of yours relative to another human"

Basically, you'd measure yourself or things about yourself based off other people.

It may not seem like a major issue to a lot of people reading this to but to others I'm very sure it's relatable for you. The idea of feeling better or worse about yourself based on another person is the problem.

The times we're in makes it easy for this problem to be a norm. From Instagram pictures of people living fake lives or just quietly watching people enjoying their Valentine's day while you're a single pringle ( oh happy Valentine's day everyone! Must have sucked for you if you didn't enjoy your day :(... )
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In most cases this problem could lead to a momentary or long term feeling of self confidence or superiority amongst peers for some or a completely opposite feeling of low self esteem and a huge inferiority complex for others.

For the ones who get a huge ego boost of such it's it so healthy for you. Reason being, what happens when it's gone? When your fix/supply of superiority is gone because there's no one to feed it. I've been on both ends of the spectrum and on this end let me tell you that it's not pretty. It leaves you empty and makes you question who you really are. Are you really you or are you what they make you feel you are? I asked myself that question over and over and sometimes just sometimes I still do.

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The problem about it was it felt so good. I never liked hurting people's esteem or confidence but the fact that in a group of friends I stood out and everyone knew I did felt good and I tried to always and always make sure my friends weren't as good as me. Notice this is all in past tense because I'm not that kind of person anymore.

On the other hand we have the people who feel completely opposite. The ones who don't feed off it but get fed off of. Society could be bitchy sometimes and you don't want to be on the receiving end of it and this group of people always are. When you see a guy with a girl you know you'd never get, or a girl wearing an outfit you can't afford. Or when all this leads to insecurity; "my nose is too flat", "sigh I'm too fat for this", "I can never afford that", "he'd never look at me because I could never be that curvy".
All these feelings could lead to sadness or worse depression. Because the moment you start second guessing your value then you'd never feel confident to be you.

And if you can't be you who would you be?

Both sub-problems of the same problem most of the time can be linked to social media. No matter what end you're from it most of the time comes from there. I can't tell you that most of them are living fake lives ( which they do) but not all of them do. A lot of people work hard to be where they are and it's why they are WHO THEY ARE. So that's my first piece of advice.

Use that feeling as a source of motivation not depression.

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If you know what they have is something you can't not be then why don't you work to be better. Never aim for the stars but just a little higher than the stars. (I just came up with that saying but oh well. I'm trademarking that! ).

Also, if you're not able of reaching those goals like trying to dunk but you're 4ft tall or unable to work because you're handicapped, or maybe you Just can't muster up the energy to overcome that emotion. Remember that...

YOU ARE NOT A MISTAKE!

Everyone is here for a purpose and a reason. Strip everyone of their possessions and they'd just be like you and me.Thats why you should never try to be someone you're not because you're just as good and as messed up as they are. You just can't see it yet, doesn't mean it's not there. Don't apologize about being you because "you" is good enough.

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And the most important advice of all, NEVER MEASURE YOURSELF RELATIVE TO SOMEONE ELSE INSTEAD, MEASURE YOURSELF RELATIVE TO AN OLDER VERSION OF YOURSELF. Make sure you're always growing and every couple of months there's an improvement. That way the only person you're competing with is yourself. The only person you can or should be better than is yourself. Never forget that. Bye people!

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