Maybe You Can't Change People But You Can Love Them
Ever been filled with the desire to change some for good because of a destructive attitude or behavior which you saw in them? How did it end up? Most probably chaotic.
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We all have flaws and so we are bound to meeting people who have flaws as well of which some can be really destructive. And I fully understand the feeling one has seeing his/her loved ones or even a stranger displaying a destructive attitude.
The truth is we can't change people because we have seen flaws in them which we believe should be made right. Putting so much effort to change them only ends up being counterproductive.
People already know that they need to change even before we shout it in their faces. They know they need to be a bit kind before we shut them down for their unkind behavior.
People don't change people, change is generated from the inside but we can inspire people to. I think a better way is to find the source of all their negative attitude, it is most probably a broken part of that person and help the person heal from it — with love😊. Let's understand that people deserve our love and not our judgments.
Undoubtedly, every desire to change people sprouts out of love but that desire to change can easily lose touch of that love and it suddenly turns into wanting to control. And control does the worst hings to people's relationship
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The message of love can easily get masked under the desire to change. Yes, it's good to want to make the best out of our loved ones. It is good to want someone to let go of their destructive habits. It's all for good but we can't change them simply by wanting to "change" them or trying so hard to.
Yes, that person's behavior or actions could be destructive to themselves or others around them but so also is the desire to change them
When you feel that their attitude or behavior is too toxic for you, then, you can create space for both of you to breath a bit.
If you can't love close by, you can still love from afar. Love is all about acceptance also about letting others live. When you feel like all your efforts in "changing" someone to what you think is a healthier habit is failing then its probably because you have lost touch with your motivation. Go back and get connected with it and let it lead you.
So, next time you are being talked to harshly, don't waste effort talking back in a harsh tone with aim of trying to correct, you can always counter the harsh talks with loving words. Not only will you feel better but it will inspire the person as well.
And when someone talks or acts unlikely to you, it could be a cry for love, so why don't you answer to that cry and help that soul heal?
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Some people may not know how to let their light shine but you can inspire them to shine theirs by shinning yours!
Much Love — Audrey❤
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I think this is an important point made. Especially with family members that can truly offend or create terrible disturbance in your life. It is tough, but right what you say.
You don;t have to all agree, but you can still love and respect
Yeah! The thing is when people "agree" all the time, they probably ain't being real to themselves but even when our views aren't always same, we can let love flow...
Lover her for who she is, don't hate her for who she is not! Very wise words
😊 Thank you!
I used to be the sort of person who was always there to lend a helping hand, because It's the little things like that which can make a difference. I don't do that anymore. The reason, which I had to learn very very painfully, is that, if you go around looking for people to save, parasites will find you. It starts with them asking for a ride, or maybe to just hang out. And it's fine, and fun, and everything is great. But eventually, it becomes more... they slowly but surely load all their problems onto you, making you the one responsible for making their life work. They load more and more, and take more and more of you, until you are basically an empty shell obeying their every order, wait.... sorry.. I meant request.
Ofcourse this is impossible, since you -can't- make their choices for them, and they aren't going to let you "push them around", when you try and tell them to change something. Eventually, they start to blame you for everything wrong in their life, and when you finally can't give anymore, when you finally just have to run because your entire life is falling to pieces, then suddenly... YOU ARE THE ANTICHRIST. You are a horrible traitor and how could you abandon them?
And they will go straight to another victim, and use the story of your "cruel betrayal" to make that person pity them and do it all over again. And again. And again. And again.
So nowadays, the most I'll offer is to help somebody clean their place up. Help them throw away clutter and get things organized. If they understand the value of having an orderly house, then maybe I'll do more. If they refuse, then I know they won't ever do a thing to help themselves.
Believe it or not, this is the biggest, most obvious sign of a person. If they are content to live in filth, then they are nothing but trouble. No amount of Love will save them. Sad but true.
So I say... Love Yourself first, then maybe you can help another. =)
Oh sure, love yourself first. Truth is, we can't love when we don't have enough love for ourselves. Sad that you had to go through all of that with people but yes, there are some who are only out there to take advantage of other and there are some who genuinely need help. Trying to understand who is just out to take advantage and who really needs help can be tricky at first but it does seem like you have something that does help out.
When someone is being really toxic around you, then you gotta create space and boundaries, that is what people do need to understand — that there are boundaries. But if they fail to and helping the seems draining then walking away is the best option. I do think that walking away can be an act done in love sometimes because we keep bugging people with our presence,it could get a bit uncomfortable for them too, sometimes, even when they asked for that "presence" by themselves.
I think I have made posts about Loving yourself, that's why I didn't quite touch much on that here. But yeah, it always starts from there.
Thank you for stopping by...
That "orderly house" speaks volumes about a person. :)
really beautiful and insightful post Audrey!
and we also need to remember that love is putting the other person first! that means caring more about how they feel - than getting our way, right? :)
and... i loved the chocolate at the end! hahahahaha you little chocoholic! ;)
Right! Because at the end of the day winning or getting our way will be empty when we end up hurting others. We both "win" when we put their feelings first!
😋 So do I!!
Very good post!
It's natural for us to want to change others but it rarely goes well unless we are leading by example!
True and even the example should be backed with love... Thanks for stopping by!
This I learned recently. judging only adds gas to the flame, love will heal. I try my best not to judge these days, it is an ongoing process but I realize how much better it feels to just love without judgment. Are you a psychologist @audreybits?
Love sure does heal, and judgment only tears people apart! Hahahah! Nah, I am no psychologist, I sound like one?