[Dream Analysis] Can't Return Book (revealing confidence issues)

Dream

Chrissie (my friend) came to my house and gave me some kind of marionette/puppet or doll and a book that went with it. She did it with the intention that I would return it to the store to get the money back. I remember purple and pink, perhaps lilac, hues. Maybe some green.

I opened the book and filled in one or two pages, which were sort of like a journal, with personal information about myself. When I was finished writing I suddenly realized that I couldn't return it to the store anymore because it wasn't new. I started worrying that Chrissie would be upset with me for not getting the money back. Like I'd cheated her and was somehow selfish.

While they were at my house she had very, very blonde hair and I thought it looked good but when I complimented it she sort of pushed the compliment away insinuating that she had a crazy story to go with the hair and she didn't love it. She was wearing a hat so I couldn't see the roots to know if it really was a bad dye-job like she hinted, but from what I could see her hair looked great.

Some guys approached my front door while Chrissie and her husband were around and I was very scared. I thought they were going to come in and rob me or rape me and I was extremely thankful that both of my friends were there so that I wasn't alone. I chased the men off. They had plans to just walk into to my house. I think there were 3 men.

Additional comments:

In the dream I was worried that I would be caught sneaking the book back after I’d used it.
Working to dig deeper on this feeling I can boil it down to: being inclined to act secretive out of guilt and having a fear of being caught/exposed and/or judged.

Analysis:

Chrissie is one of my dearest friends and I know that she represents Christ Consciousness in my dreams. My dreams have chosen her to represent this for two reasons: one, it is the obvious pun on her name, Christina - and two, she is a Christian who embraces very beautiful philosophies of treating people with love. So right away I know this dream is about the work I’m doing to bring Christ Consciousness [which can be loosely translated into living in a state of grace or dharma] into my body (Chrissie came to my house).

• The book, in this dream, represents the story of my life.

• Writing: an encouragement to find my distinctive style of expression and expand my understanding of myself through writing.

• Marionettes: are controlled by strings

Dreams will show us our blocks regarding the subject matter of our dreams as well as offer guidance to overcome the issues.

Blocks:

When it comes to the issues which prevent me from fully bringing Christ Consciousness into my bodily experience I:

• am inclined to behave secretively due to guilt and fear of being exposed [guilt, I’ve learned, is a symptom of low self worth or being out-of-integrity with one’s own values or desires].
• fear disapproval (was afraid Chrissie would be upset with me)
• can’t see the root cause of this behavior (roots were hidden under hat)
• push away praise/approval (Chrissie wouldn’t accept compliments)
• have some strings/ties to cut regarding control issues (Marionettes are controlled by strings)
• may also have a blocked crown chakra which is tied to blocked root chakra? (hat on top of head with a focus on roots?)

Guidance:

When it comes to bringing Christ Consciousness into my bodily experience I:

• intended, in this life, to put in the work to fix the above issues (Chrissie gave me the book with the intention of a monetary return. Money in dreams represents our hearts [due to the fact that it is shared and circulated with others] and can signify the energy we are willing to put into something.)
• am responsible (lilac color) for the work of balancing my heart (green color) and cutting ties regarding control issues (marionette).
• need to be pleased with, accepting (blonde color) and complementary to myself (I complimented Chrissie’s blonde hair)
• need to commit (3 men) to developing the male energies of confidence, belief in self, creativity, and individuality (men trying to enter house)

Upon waking and interpreting this dream I knew I should have let those men into the house instead of shutting my door and running them off. This is a perfect example of how our childhood subconscious conditioning can jump into a dream and change a scene from good to bad. Men in dreams represent the male energy of confidence, belief in self, creativity, individuality and various spiritual gifts but if we have low confidence then men who would otherwise be helping us in a dream will become something we fear and run from. I have trust issues when it comes to believing in myself so my subconscious feared the intentions of the men (they were bringing me confidence) as they approached. This is when inner child healing and self work really comes in handy.

I also had to work hard to decide if the dream was suggesting that I was selfish (since it showed up as a concern) but I think the deeper meaning is that I don’t accept all of myself or everything I’d like to do out of fear of seeming selfish which I then use to turn into guilt. This later causes me, on occasion, to try to sneakily do things which can actually seem selfish.

A realistic example of this might be to let a friend borrow something of yours but feel too guilty or not-confident to ask for it back when you need it. To protect your desire to avoid awkwardness but also indulge your desire to have it back, you just sort of sneak it back into your possession without letting them know.

For now, I will keep analyzing my dreams and focus on deeply receiving compliments, from myself and others, to build confidence. Likewise, I’ll continue sharing these personal things in order to kick my fear of exposure in the butt. When I fully accept myself then I will be able to fully accept others as well. Which, as we know, is the definition of being in grace/dharma.

While this work isn’t all sunshine and belly buttons, I want to do it in order to live my most meaningful life, which my dreams also tell me, is to become a teacher by example.

Hope you enjoyed seeing how I analyze dreams!