Baby Anton

The early childhood of an agent

Was I born an invisible agent? I don't know. Maybe. It depends what we mean by the term 'invisible agent'. I guess I mean someone in the service of invisible powers. Certainly invisible powers always seemed to be a part of my life.

I was the firstborn of five brothers. I was apparently a happy and quiet baby, content to lie awake in my cot. My mum reports that sometimes she would think to herself that I had been asleep for a long time, only to come to the cot and find me awake and smiling.

The Dream

The first weird thing I remember was a dream, some might say a nightmare, I had when I was about three years old. In it I was holding the hand of my grandmother, when everything around us in the street froze in time and we became bathed in a bright white light. I was still holding her hand, or so I thought. Frightened I turned to look at her for reasurance, only to find I was no longer holding the hand of my grandmother, but rather a thin grey being that didn't look human. There were a group of other such beings emerging from the light.

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Anton and Grandma (Okay, I know, I'm a little younger than three in this one.)

I awoke shocked and perhaps screamed. My grandmother, for I was staying with her for the weekend, came in to comfort me. I had the sense that she needed to hear the dream, I wanted to understand who the grey people were. But she dismissed it as just a nightmare. Even as a three year old I felt like there was more to it, and was disappointed by her response. But what choice did I have?

Whilst I never forgot that I had this dream I developed a block on what happened after the light came, and only remembered the grey beings after relaxing into a regression hypnosis session. None-the-less I am convinced my memory of that dream is real, including the recovered part. But what proof can I offer? None. I am aware of that. I am aware that not everyone will believe this story, even though I am only claiming it as a dream.

The Sandman and his Cat

The other weird aspect of my early childhood came a year or so later. One sleepy morning my mother made an off hand comment about the sandman putting sand in my eyes to make me sleep. I wanted to know more about this sandman. Much like how I had hungered for knowledge of the grey beings I had dreamt of a year earlier. But my mum could not tell me much and again I was disappointed.

I don't remember the order of events. Was I already seeing a being at night before I got to sleep? Or did my fascination with the idea of the sandman conjure a night visitor? I cannot say. All I remember was that I began seeing this entity frequently before I got to sleep. A liminal state visitation. I remember the face as having a pale yellowish sandy quality, and as the only reference I had for such a being that visits at night was the sandman, I called them the sandman.

The sandman had the appearance of a triangular face with rounded corners, and deep almond eyes. I don't remember much about their appearance other than the face. I also remember at some point the sandman was joined by another entity with a cat like face. Not really a cat, it had the same almond eyes. But the face had a black and white pattern that resembled a cat and I remember the suggestion of cat like ears.

I later saw the faces of the sandman and the cat in the sky, when I got lost in a wildlife park. Or maybe I got lost because I was looking at the faces in the sky. I can't remember which.

Eventually I started school, a Catholic primary school, and we had a priest that performed mass and other rituals like benediction. Since they seemed to be an authority on mystical matters I decided to ask them about the sandman. However they told me it was probably a devil and that I should send it away, and if it wouldn't go that I should pray.

I was sad about this, but obeyed, reluctantly asking the sandman not visit any more. I remember the sandman reluctantly leaving, however weirdness continued throughout my childhood...

(to be continued...)