LETTERS FROM MY HEART

You don't need to have all of life figured out.

I have resisted the pressure to have my life and life generally, all figured out. Nothing has to make sense. This is the truth I am embracing. My life does not need to go a certain way or look a certain way. It is perfectly okay for me to stumble, become lost occasionally and even want to give up.

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I am 27 and I sincerely thought that by now, I should have been so sure and rooted in the path I want to go but I still find myself canceling out things I once thought was for me and redefining my dreams and goals. It's messy but I am embracing all of this. And you know what? I now enjoy life more than ever. It's a beautiful and an annoying mess mehn😊 but it is mine and I am accepting all of it.

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I read something yesterday on Twitter and I saw a couple of young people in their early twenties cry about feeling lost and confused. It really broke my heart. I was once in that situation. Still am. But I am also making peace with the fact that there is no set road to living life. We create what we want and if it doesn't work, we try again until it becomes good or manageable.

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The pressure to have everything all lined up and perfect will only birth so much hurt and disappointment, but enjoying the process and all of the uncertainties as they come makes things easier.

It is okay to not have your life all figured out whether you are in your late 20s, 30s, 40s even. It is okay to be confused.

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Days I used to draw and paint, I derived valuable life lessons. First, you start out with a sketch. A rough idea of what the piece will look like. You keep working on it until it takes form or shape. Sometimes it does not so you just call it whatever you want and confuse the world. No one dies. Sometimes while drawing, you decide to use a certain kind of stroke or technique but as you progress, you discover that just maybe, a different pencil or brush stroke will look better so you switch to that one. In fact, you can even start afresh, thrashing the other piece. If you are using oil to paint, you just realise that if you make a mistake, you paint over it or make it look beautiful or creative. It is a very messy process.

A piece can take you months to complete, years even but then some other piece, just weeks. You can have everything figured out and then from nowhere, something happens, and your work takes a different style or route. You learn patience and you learn to embrace uncertainties.

Painting teaches you to brush over your mistakes. If you paint with watercolour or acrylic, you realise that it dries up quickly and you learn to paint over those mistakes. You don’t wail or crumble, you simply start over, adding layers upon layers to your mistake. You don’t get it right with just one stroke of brush. Layers upon layers makes it what it is.

Importantly, you learn to own your style and form of expression. You can even create your own style, what never existed. You realise that it is okay to copy others until you find your unique expression.

But the one thing art teaches you is to never pressure yourself to make it perfect. You just flow as it comes. It is the imperfections that make masterpieces and beautiful works. It is the mistakes and uncertainty that make it worth the effort.

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As a daily mantra, I tell myself that it is okay, absolutely okay to not have my life all figured out. It is okay to change my mind about career and relationship paths. It is okay to yearn for more and create exactly what I would want to see. It is okay to outgrow a job and seek another. It is okay to start afresh at everything. It is okay to lose a loved one. It is okay to get rejections from jobs I certainly was sure of getting. These things may hurt but it is okay. We will be fine.

pixabay