Teacher, My Child Is Useless.

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In my work, there have been many parents who will comment about how useless/bad/poor/incompetent/stupid/etc their child is. The list of negative description goes on, but if you dig deeper, the benchmark that parents subscribe to is the child's exam results.

This perhaps stems from an Asian culture of attributing a child's competence to exam results. I am sure many teachers have received questions similar to this. I am reminded of a string of events. Thus, allow me to write a letter to all those parents out there who are feeling so. Please don't take this the wrong way, I just want to offer my thoughts on this matter. These thoughts are the same response I give to any parent who made the comment above. Furthermore, I am also a parent of two. If one day the thought of my child being not good enough comes to mind, I hope this will serve as a reminder for me as well.

The Letter

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Your child comes home and presents the latest exam report to you. Your heart sinks. Once again your child has managed to score poorly. The presence of good grades are rare and what is only presents are the dreaded Ds , Es and Fs. You wonder if you are doing something wrong.

Well, let me tell you a story.

Not long ago there was a boy. He was the first child in his family and being the only son, his family had high hopes for him. As the boy grew, he was given the best opportunities and placed in the most competitive school there was. However, time after time, this boy disappointed his parents. The boy dreaded learning and the more the parents pushed, the more he gave up.

The boy ended up falling behind in his studies, thinking that he was a failure. The parents however, continued to push him harder until one day, they gave up too. The boy, seeing the disappointment in their eyes decided that it was time to grow up and be serious. He started working hard, improving his results but ultimately obtaining a scholarship in university.

That boy is now a teacher and is now continuing his doctorate studies. That was a brief summary of my life. However, I write this not to talk about how great I am but to tell you that I have been there. Looking back, I attribute my rebellious streak to.. well.. Just being a kid. All kids go through that. Yes, it is frustrating. I know from trying to get a class of 50 teenagers or children to learn.

The Importance of Balance

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However, we often forget that growing up is a matter of balance. Learning happens inside and outside of the classroom. In fact, it happens more outside of the classroom. Often, it is easier to associate textbook knowledge through experience. That’s why social activities and sports contribute to the child’s learning as well. I’ve been brought up in a time where playing outside is bad. Time spent studying is considered as time well spent.

This is not true, studying to learn may be important, but all learners learn best through experience. Thus, learning is all about balance (holistic learning) instead of just learning in the classroom.

Focus on The Skills Not Taught in Schools

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The education system is far from perfect, as parents, we can help plug the gaps in our child’s learning, adding value to what they have been taught in school. Such skills may consist of presentation skills, problem solving skills, art related skills and financial literacy.

The gaps in education systems throughout the world varies but one thing is for sure, every school covers exam skills. Thus, perhaps that is one thing that should not be the focus.

All in all, I hope it encourages and helps in a way. Raising a child is not easy and much grace and patience is needed. However, switch the focus away from the exams and the textbooks. The world is changing too fast. Most education systems take an average of ten years to implement a new innovation. Thus, it is safe to say that it is already obsolete. However, the 5 important skills that are ever important in a child’s development are, creativity, communicative ability, critical thinking skills and collaborative skills.

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