How to Create a Comfortable Relationship?
Hello everyone!
Have you ever heard of "adjust"? This is really a wonderful tool that helps people to build relationships and make them more open and comfortable.
Let's first determine who we trust? I think the most correct answer is I believe to myself. And if we see that a person is like us, we are more willing to get in touch with him. My friend at the training told me a funny story from her life. She had a period when she wanted to stand out from the crowd. And do you know what she did? She never repeated a single word that a person talking to her told her. As she herself told me, the result was not very positive.
Did you see that people who have relations look similar? They are similar in some moments for example in they looks. It's hard to explain. They dress differently (but usually in the same style), they have different hair color, etc. But nevertheless you look at them and you can immediately see that these people are close, that they spend a lot of time together.
If you want to adjust you have several ways to do that. Exist a body adjust and voice adjust.
First we speak about body adjust.
Actually that is easier adjust.
Some kinds of body adjust
- body
- gestures
- by facial expressions
- relaxation and Stress
- by the slope of the head
And now I want to tell about two types of adjust.
The first type is “direct adjust”
It is very often used by psychologists. The easiest way to explain it with an example. Your interlocutor sat down in front of you in a closed position and crossed his arms. Then you sit down and cross your arms.
The second type is "cross-adjust".
All the same example. Your interlocutor sat down at the table in front of you and crossed his arms. Then, sitting down, you do not cross your arms, legs.
Also an important point!
If you want to do adjust don’t do some movements if that doesn’t
Comfortable for you. I had a funny situation in my life. Once I was at the training, where we talked on this topic. And with me a couple worked a man who decided to adjust to me. When I talk, I swing my arms and for me this is the norm. But when I saw how a man who was used not so much to actively gesticulate, waving his hands in all directions, I understood that he was trying to adjust himself and did not cause any confidence in me.
And just now we will speak about second types of adjust. We will speak about voice adjust.
adjust by volume (the person speaks quietly or loudly).
adjust by pace (a person speaks quickly or slowly). In my manner, I'm an extrovert and this is noticeable in how I communicate with people. I'm very loud, active and expressive. And once upon a time I realized that it's much easier for me to slow down than to accelerate to people who are inherently more modest and quiet. And when you communicate with such a person on different waves, you see that he is uncomfortable enough and he wants to escape as soon as possible.
adjust by rhythm. Also you can tap on the table with your hand, if your interlocutor issues this rhythm. Or you can kick your leg instead. There are many options.
adjust for the height of the voice.
adjusting the timbre of the voice. Maybe a person with who you speak have some interest and special features. Can you repeat that?
adjust by intonation. Can you tell about emotions of a person with who you speak?
adjust by pronunciation. Perhaps your interlocutor uses any special words? By the way, about the special words. Often we do not think what words we use, so in our speech some words may appear, which we give more importance. If you can identify, find these special words and use them, then your interlocutor will be much nicer. This is a deeper level. This is the level of values.
adjust by pauses. If a person do long pauses he don’t like to speak with people who don’t use pauses.
Do you know what I want to tell you? Some time ago I speak with my friend about complexity
Of people communication. And my friend tell me that words: “Communication is not difficult part of your lives. You just need to love a person with who you speak”.