As I grew up in my twenties, I always thought that I was the cool guy. 

In college, I didn’t choose to stay in the hostels or attend any orientation programs in my first year. I also didn’t make many friends. 

I’d think about how lame the other kids were as they felt a need to congregate, form cliques and make friends with random students. Why couldn’t they just be alone? I thought. 

I’d spot that one guy in school who was always trying to get a head start in life by reading books on investment, stocks and stuff. They’d also talk about starting some business venture then. Why couldn’t they just enjoy the last of their youth? I thought. 

In church, when I was an active believer, I tried to portray this “bad boy” aura, the kind who acted like a rebellious kid, but secretly had a heart of god as he followed the teachings of god.  

I’d look around and felt like I was an inspirational figure

Slowly but surely though, I’d eventually backslide and leave the church. Then I'd wonder why these friends of mine would still attend church. Why would anyone need an entity to believe in when they could just believe in themselves? I thought.

In blogging and writing throughout different social networks in the niche that is self-help, I thought that most, if not all the advice out there were very cliched, self-fulfilling, ego-boosting and ultimately very woo-woo and cheesy. Why would anyone want to read this shit? I thought.

In my social life, I hung out with people mostly at night. We mostly drank, got drunk and partied. Those who didn't, I concluded that they were nerds who were only at home playing video games and sleeping early. Why are they such nerds? I thought.

I thought I was the cool guy everywhere I went.

But as I grew older, particularly after entering my 30s, I realized how uncool I was.

In fact, I have been downright judgey and idiotic.

I was the fucking loser.

I lost out by not investing in myself during college.

I lost out by not starting to write on a blog early.

I lost out by not meeting and talking to new people.

I lost out by hanging out people who were actually very toxic.

I lost out by focusing on myself only, hence focusing on my problems and allowing them to fester.

Today, many of these "uncool" people are returning in my life.

And they're pretty fucking cool.

They're nice. They're helpful. They're not judgey. They're honest. They're open to share about their lives.

Where were you when I needed you? I thought.

Being cool is honestly for high school kids, and only the ones who see the need to be cool.

Everybody is cool in their own way.

You just need to focus on your life, keep growing to make shit happen and be happy.

But if you're just aiming to be cool to show off as a status and not being true to yourself, then really, you aren't so cool.

That ain't cool dawg.