Been hovering around this topic for a while now. Effectively, a few weeks since it happened a few weeks ago.

I called this: By far the stupidest fucking thing I've ever done.

Ready? Leggo!

So you know I've anger issues and shit right? 

You don't? Well, I do.

It's a lot better now though, with the help of therapy mostly.

But still, I fuck up now and then and sort of "relapse."

Oh, I don't get angry to the point I start taking drugs and go on a killing spree.

But I do snap now and then and just rage a little.

So a few weeks ago, this happened: 

I brought my dog for a walk at night.

In the lift, I started ruminating over some angry shit. It mostly had to do with my mom that day because she was naggy as hell.

When I ruminate, I tend to replay over and over in my head what I should have or could have said.

Sometimes, I also think of breaking something or beating someone in the face. Well, not my mom's face, but someone's else. Anger is that random.

And then, I snap. I'd sort of act out my anger. As a result, I'd punch the desk, door or just throw some shit around the house.

In this case, I decided to use my shoulders to charge at the elevator doors.

And...

The whole fucking lift stalled!

It just froze on the spot.

Immediately, I was like, "Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck!"

I pressed the Emergency Call button. It didn't fucking work!

I pushed the Alarm button. The bell rang. That was it. 

Oh, did I mention that it was 2AM?!

Long story short, I held on to the Emergency Call button indefinitely.

About ten minutes later, a lady from outside knocked on the door. She said she walked down from upstairs and realized that one of the elevators was not working.

I told her yeah, the elevator fucked up and stalled.

She went to get security.

Security came by, spoke to me and told me that they called the company running the elevator.

Soon, the technician came and got me out.

All in all, I was stuck inside for like 40 minutes.

Sure, in hindsight it doesn't sound like a big deal.

In fact, it's a funny story in my repertoire to tell others and get chicks to laugh at me.

But yo... I can't emphasize enough the sheer panic and fear I felt the minute I fucked up.

That's the thing about life: When you know you fucked up major, it feels scary as shit.

It hits you like, "Wow! I thought this shit happens to others/in the news only!"

Nah man.

Shit is real, very real, especially when you choose to lash out.

Also, when I slammed the door, Rocky, my dog got scared himself. He went into a guarded stance. I felt so fucking bad...

So take it from me: Learn to stay calm. Practice some self-control. It may feel like it's fucking you up inside because you feel a need to dish out some pain as a form of validating your own anger or sadness...

... but it's just not worth it.

Trust me.

Just take it easy.

Take a breather first. 

Be rational.

Hope this funny story inspired y'all somehow today!

Rocky being the chill, calm one in the lift that night!