What and how much could you forgive if you are in love?

in life •  23 days ago

What and how much could you forgive if you are in love?

A year into her marriage, because she was extremely unhappy, Helen did what was to many people, including herself - an unforgivable thing.

She had an affair. It lasted 6 months, mainly sexting and a couple meetups. It started as a drunken mistake, but she carried it on anyway, as the person she had an affair actually paid attention to her and listened to her dreams, and answered her texts fast.

When the cat was let out of the bag, shortly after one of those 'couple' of meetups, there was much turmoil and heartache at her incredibly selfish actions.

But her husband decided to give her a second chance, to give the marriage a second chance. And she agreed, as just maybe with better communication the marriage could just work.

They made a plan to salvage the marriage, show each other that they still loved each other every day, so that such an event would never happen again and their united dreams could still survive.

Sometimes words failed Helen, but they came out beautifully in poetic form. She was truly sorry and still loved her husband and wanted desperately for him to believe her, so she wrote out her feelings in these words...

source

You are the buoy that keeps me afloat
You are the treasure on a pirate boat
And the boat that keeps me safe at sea
You are the best thing that happened to me.

You are my blue sky in the rain
You are the paracetamol to my pain
You are the music that soothes my soul
You are the part that makes me whole.

I don't want a future without you
I want all our dreams to come true
I'll do whatever it takes to make it right
Just to be curled in your arms each night.

I love you, please believe me
I'm on bended knee
It's true
My life isn't a life without you.

Forgive me.

What do you think?

Would you forgive her?

Do you think this marriage survived, or could survive after this?

Is an affair ever forgivable?

Words and Poem by @hopehuggs

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Forgiving is such a subjective case and is hard to make a judgment without nuances. For me it's about how the truth came forth and what she expresses. If she came to me telling a mistake or a regret, forgiveness would be easier. But for me forgiveness is more about if the person I have to forgive WANTS the forgiveness and how far she would reach for it. Anything is forgivable, it's just a matter of if you AND the person deserves it in the end.

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I like that answer. She reached for the stars, but should have reached for the moon.

Forgiving is very hard, and it's even harder in that case. But after a brief period of grieving your past relationship and being angry at the person, you will realise that you deserve better. You did not deserve to be cheated on. And today, you do not deserve to feel awful because of this person. Forgiving is a very important step to move on. It does not justify the wrong but instead does not allow it to affect us anymore. Forgiving also helps us to see the positive as we are choose to free ourselves from the negative feelings.

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No, he did not deserve to be cheated on, no-one does. When you look at someone and see in their face that their heart is shattered into a million pieces and they become undeservedly physically and emotionally broken, by someone who supposedly loves them.

Six months is quite a long time if you ask me. Enough to have stopped and asked yourself several times how much hurt would a person be by your actions. I feel she's only sorry because she got caught. I really don't know what I'd do if I was in her hubby shoes reading the poem, one thing is certain.
The trust is gone

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You are right, they tried to make the relationship work for another 7 years after this and the trust never came back.

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Wow, 7 years. That's awesome both parties doing their best to keep things together, because of the kids as well probably . Guess as hards as it is to forgive, even harder is it to trust again.

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Yes, 2 kids that magnified the problems if truth be told.

Hmm...whether to be forgiven or not its depending on the partner's love for her. But in my opinion, trust is something like a glass. Once its broken,it can be glued back but the scars remains there forever. It can never be as beautiful as it was before again. Likewise, relationships are made of trust. It definitely takes lots of effort and time to gain back that trust!

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Scars can be beautiful sometimes, and there were moments when they thought that everything they had been through made them stronger than ever.

Lovely story and really shows the relationship You did not deserve to be cheated on. If there is no trust in a relationship, there is no relationship.

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It depends I think on how much you want something and sometimes it is impossible to let go, even though more pain is being caused.

In the love, nothing will forget all will be a sweet pain in soul thank you for sharing a good post.

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Sounds very poetic

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I write my new tracks every day
the weather is good today by the way
I need good mood to write my songs
I will create track about different phones

Love is always painful.. thats my opinion...

response me pls

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love is beautiful! love yourself!

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I don't think it has to be that way. There are many different kinds of love. I have a few friends on Steemit who I dearly love, even though most I haven't met. True romantic love is such a miracle when two people who are right for each other come together.

@adsactly..first I think your post creative and touching but i have something to say about marriage. I lot of people have built a bad mentality about marriage and is affecting our world. Marriage is good and if there are more good marriages, there would be good homes and if there are more good homes there would be good society and and then a better world. If you enter into marriage with a bad mentality - fear, them you sure will sensitive to issues and having an affair it the best way to hurt oneself. A good man is a man who loves the woman in a thousand ways. Never love a woman in one way. Be many things to her. Same as the woman. I will forgive, but it does not end in forgiveness. Marriage is a product of who you are.Thanks

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I think that you can fool yourself into thinking that you love someone so much that you think marriage is a good thing. You have blinkers on and when they finally fall off, you realise it too far down the line and you either get used to the unhappiness, try to do something to revive it, or get out.

marriage is such a wonderful matter which is based on trust. If you have a little trust in ur partner you should try to save the relation otherwise separation is the best way.
it's my opinion.

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It takes a lot of time, patience and love to save a relationship, if you love each other enough I believe it is possible to save it.

I forgave the mistakes she did when she wasn't matured and the also.we love each other very much so we are really committed to one another.

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Yes I guess we all make mistakes, question is if you keep making same one, how many times should it be forgiven?

I don’t think my marriage could survive. Not for me not for my husband. :(
Anything but physical abuse and cheating

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emotional abuse too, mental scars can be so much more severe and raw than physical ones.

nice story

this story is really moving, the feelings make us everything can be overcome. Thank you for sharing it with us

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At one point they both believed this too.

It shows strength of character to look at someone's actions and ask yourself what led them to make those decisions when those actions hurt you.

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True, it does.

Loved it! Nice done.
Checkout my post. I would like to know your opinion. https://steemit.com/life/@mariaentela/life-is-too-short-smile-more

Well as for me, I would say "love forgives all but when the love is broken it hard to forget"

@steve1122 The Nigerian Prince

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🐋😎👍🏻

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🐋😎👍🏻

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Yep, forgiving is easier than forgetting.

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💐💐💐🌹🌹🌹 thanks dear

Amazing interesting love story
. "To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything."

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I like that quote. Who is it by?

Can be forgiven but never been forget. Thats the worst part. You will always have a thing in your mind eating your mind all the time. Trust is everything. She has to make me believe in her again. Not words but behaviours and feelings.

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It certainly eats away at you. I don't think that there is anything she could have done that would make him totally believe in her again.

adsactly
good steemit post i like it

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Thank you

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Yes, this marriage can survive. She will have to really work hard to make him trust her again. But she clearly still loves him. I hope they make it.

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Unfortunately, it didn't. The burden became too much for either of them to bear.

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I love the fact that you didn't see the reply comments. That's the spirit of hope and forgiveness right there!

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Yes, I can completely understand why.

this is so amagine <3

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Unfortunately not all from the imagination.

I live in marriage for 14 years) If I knew about the betrayal of my husband, I would forgive him. Why did he start a mistress? I think it's my fault too, not only my husband's fault. No need to get divorced. You need to think about the reason, and try to correct your mistakes.

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I think the main reason that Helen carried on the affair was to escape in whatever form that may have taken.

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This is a very common reason. I think you're right.

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I write my new tracks every day
the weather is good today by the way
I need good mood to write my songs
I will create track about different phones

Trust is a very precious thing, its priceless. But when its gone, its gone.
There will always be a question mark.
If there is no trust in a relationship, there is no relationship.

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Helen was told on numerous occasions that the trust was back and had it retracted other something or nothing, or just a bad mood. I now am of the same opinion that when it's gone, it's gone.

Nice one brother it is good..
Keep it up

Forgiveness...that selfish word we blackmail someone who love us with after we hurt them. You can only cheat if you are smart enough not to get caught...Once you are caught you, your partner and your relationship cannot be the same. You probably spend the rest of your life making up for it, your partner will spend his/her life feeling not good enough. You may be cool after that but it can not be natural like before, there will always be a strain in the relationship. For my peace of mind, i can't forgive. I deal with it/you/them or i let go...it all depends.

Good article

Love is life and life without love is loneliness.

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With Steemit, there is never time to feel lonely ;)

Forgiveness is part of Love. If you really love, you can't stop forgiving

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But not always the easiest thing to do.

nice post.....i up vote you please up vote me back and follow me

Everyone will have a different opinion about the affair and it depends on many factors whether or not you can forgive them.
I was in the same situation once and I left her no matter how painful it was.

She had cheated on me with a known friend and she only confessed it to me when one of my best friends found out and told her to tell me or he would tell me. She was cornered.
So she told me everything that she's sorry, she still loves me and doesn't want to lose me.

There are probably some out there who would forgive her and give her a second chance, but I'm not one of them. My view is both radical and simple: I gave her everything I could and if she cheats on me; she can't be the right one.

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And also an opinion a lot of people share. I'm sorry you were on the receiving end once.

Forgiveness Is The Best Form of Love. It Takes a Strong Person To Say Sorry And An Even Stronger Person to Forgive...

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A battle in the mind.

Everythin is forgivable! You just can't take everything so personally. Becaue people make mistakes. Sometimes it's hard to do right things when you are under impct of emotions. And when people do these things they don't do it because they want to hurt you, often times they realiz what they did and thay are sorry. So in my opinion everything is forgivable and it is never too late to apologize or change something.

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There was no intention to hurt, Helen was just so tired of giving and not getting anything back, she got her head turned.

I always wondered if I could forgive a betrayal and supposed I wouldn't. But I think it depends on the person close to you. How strong are your feelings towards each other?
In this case the affair lasted for 6 months - quite a long span of time. As I concluded from the reason of the proceeding affair, the girl lacked attention, her husband's ability to listen to her dreams. But these are the main things we seek in our partners and he couldn't provide them! I guess the event will reiterate. The spouse's forgiven, but has he found out the reason? He should do it and change the attitude to his wife. If no, the alliance will fail.

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She discovered the reason after she separated from her husband 7 years later, she was just trying to escape something that she made infinitely worse by having the affair.

It's hard to say, I think if y husband cheated on me, I wouldn't be able to forgive him. A poem wouldn't help. I don't think I could ever trust him again.
Also in her case, it was a 6-month relationship, which means that there were probably feelings involved. If it was just a one-night stand it would be a different thing, I guess. But one never really knows until one is in that situation, so it's hard to judge.

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I intentionally left out chunks of the tale to get a more honest opinion from people. The poem was just one action of many, she didn't go out anywhere, they resaid their marriage vows, she left her job etc.

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Totally agree. It is hard to judge until you are in the same shoes... But then again, every relationship is different.

Nice content and pretty interesting. Thanks.

But her husband decided to give her a second chance, to give the marriage a second chance. And she agreed, as just maybe with better communication the marriage could just work.

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That's what they tried to work on.

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the guy in the story is a loser, dont give her another chance, shes done move on

ive never bin in love, but id toss that chick to the curb so fast. how could you ever trust her again??

id never know if she was lying to me, or making stories up or being sincere. im all about giving people a second chance, but trust is a big one, she would always be on thin ice with me

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It is all about the trust.

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which she broke

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She did indeed.

sad but forgiving.

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Bless you.

Really nice@adsactly this is main in any relation that there is a communication in between both of husband and wife to solve their problem and understans the problems nice

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Communication is always key. I think communication was a problem for Helen, as when she tried to say she was unhappy, but it always ended in a heated argument, in which the husband was always invariably convinced he was right.

Being in love with someone for so many years is one of the best things you can find in your heart and in your soul but when you get cheated on by the person you love it takes a toll, on the relationship it destroys the foundation that you have built together if there's no trust there's no love.... keep it up look forward to you next post mannyfig1956

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I think there can be love without trust, that is what causes the immense pain.

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Interesting that you say that it sounds like you are very open-minded that's a impressive thing in a woman, but I believe that there has to be trust in a relationship in order to survive.

Well it depends on whether you still love the cheating partner and care enough for the relationship to continue. If the answer is yes, then it's forgivable, if no then there's nothing to be done about it; the unforgivable affair just happened.

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it happened because she thought it would make her happy, after forgiving, the husband should go ahead and show more love..personal thinking

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@posterking, yeah, that may work too.

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So one partner in the marriage decides to make themself happy at the expense of hurting someone else? The person the vowed to love? Did you read what was making her unhappy? A lack of attention. If she felt neglected why not tell her husband? Why run to another person? The husband should forgive if he wants but the wife's need for attention is the problem. If the guy is busy, why can't she understand? Do people that love each other need to be joined at the hip all the time? If you need that are you really in a secure relationship? This woman actually has emotional problems and needs counselling.

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Yes, emotional problems a plenty.

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There is a right love and a wrong love, a nurturing or a possessive love.

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@hopehuggs, I agree with you.

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@baveva, do not spam other people's blog with posts links. Thank you.

I would just live life enjoy mang yeeeeeehhh nice post doe FORGIVE AND FORGET.

Never, trust is the most important part of a relationship.

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It is the foundation of any relationship.

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Wow, that's a nice poem! Thanks for sharing!

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“Once a cheater always a cheater” but I don’t believe on this line, I think, everyone deserve a second chance.

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Helen would be a millionaire if she had a pound for everytime this was said to her by her husband.

I don't agree with the payout

excellent post. vote up!

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Thank you

It depends... Cheating usually breaks the foundations of a relationship. Things have to be rebuilt and both sides have to have the will and sacrifice to do it. It is definitely not easy, but also not impossible.

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No, it certainly isn't the easiest of routes to choose, but if the love is still there not impossible, but it still takes two to work at it, not all expectancy on the person who had the affair.

Forgiveness is divine and it takes God grace to forgive such act. When it comes to cases like this, anger, pain, regrets, bitterness and disappointment is bred.Was reading a post today about a woman who caught her husband cheating on her and out of rage, she stabbed her husband to death. This is what happens when we solely depend on humans for our happiness. Any betrayal of trust can lead such individual into doing the unimaginable. Key words are, love unconditionally, forgive in advance and never stop praying for your partner. If along the line he or she falls, you have the choice to forgive and stay or forgive and walk away. Nothing should subject us to becoming monsters.

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Yes, Helen is also well aware of the monster that can be created when faced with behaviour like this from someone that is supposed to love you. At the time of the affair being found out, the husband threatened to kill the person his wife had an affair with. And when she separated from him earlier this year, those threats extended to her family.

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Geeze! That is serious.

Hi,I am from Bangladesh and I like your post

Forgiveness is for the forgiver. Without it, our souls are left to rot. So stay or leave, but start the search for forgivness.

One thing about forgiveness: If you struggle to forgive yourself, chances are you'll struggle to forgive others as well.

Marriage and love is a two way way street. Which crime was worse? The time she spent cheating, or the time he spent putting other things in the world before his wife?

It takes two to tango, and two to forgive for healing to begin. :)

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That is a very kind and forgiving way of looking at the situation.

If she were mine, I may be able to forgive her if she acted in a way that made her words seem true. If she could look me in the eyes & have integrity & I could be a version of myself that I wanted to be. If we could go back to loving each other & building a life, I'd rather try to do that then be homesick missing my person or holding anger.

But if I couldn't look them in the eye, or my insecurities were triggered all the time... It'd be tough without counseling & completely changing life. But, I'd have to ask myself how I didn't know my beloved was disconnected for so long & why it didn't matter if I did & take some of the blame on myself for not continuing to woo her.

I'd rather try to fix things though. Love is too rare to be disposable about it, but sometimes it's easier to move on than keep riding an abuse cycle if it's not a certain kind of love.

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Counselling was on the table at one point, but neither of them wanted to do it. In hindsight, I don't think it would have worked anyway. The fundamental flaws in the relationship would have been too big to bridge.

Relationship is built on the foundation of trust, if the foundation crumbles, then whatever is built in it won't stand. And regaining trust once lost is really hard.

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It is hard to regain, but not impossible. But there are also some people that even if you try your hardest, it will never be good enough. When that happens, neither of you are doing each other any favours by sticking around.

@adsactly if Love is true, everything is forgivable. With time, trust returns and healing.

If we are to hope that our Lord forgives our unspoken / unspeakable sins, we must be able to forgive, in turn, our fellow, fallible humans...

Here is a poetic encounter of mine that I hope you might appreciate: https://t.co/DoRzoxhdwc

Yes, it may be difficult but if she is sincere than definitely! Love is tough stuff and many marriages struggle for the first few years. Beautiful poem!

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I think she thought she owed it to him to give it a good try, but when is the line drawn to move on and not keep bringing it up?

Is an affair ever forgivable?
After I have done it in the past and regret it, I would never do it again.

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I agree completely with you.

in my opinion this is difficult to forgive...but it depends...such as

  1. I check to confirm.... that was really a mistake.
  2. If i love her so much.
  3. She is really sorry for that.
    4.she should give her world or promise ....that never do it again....in future.
    Then i think about forgive her....because this is really very painful and heart breaking.....

by the way....Poem is heart touching...

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Another amazing answer. Thank you for your kind words on the poem too.

It is beautiful, please visit my blog. I included a video in my content :)

nice post and pic
Dont forget to upvote follow & resteem
@nurdinnakaturi

Lovely beautiful writting and really shows the relationship . I like it .

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Complicated relationship. Or are they all like that?

Wow ! Beautiful lines !!

Nice flower

Anybody can make mistakes. If he or she understands that it was a mistake chance must be given to him/her. we should forgive her. An affair is forgivable if it is finished before another is started. two relation should not be continued at a time

Congratulations @adsactly!
Your post was mentioned in the hit parade in the following category:

  • Comments - Ranked 6 with 141 comments

"I don't want a future without you
I want all our dreams to come true
I'll do whatever it takes to make it right
Just to be curled in your arms each night." ... love it.
Thank, and keep it up.

Interesting post, upvoted/followed.
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I had a long, tedious comment to respond to this written, but I noticed oddity by the time I finished writing it;
Too damned long!
So, I made a 'counter/response post' which can be found here https://steemit.com/@snakehayter
~~
And here
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Let me know if you enjoy, & as always upvote and follow @snakehayter for creative writing, philosophy, religious philosophy, political analyses and much more! Happy Steeming!

very well written
really appreciate

Love is not a jokes this real love so he or she great gentlemen men or women's

to forgive is hard if we let pride to control our life. True love keeps no records of wrong. I am proud to the person who give second chance. I am inspired to this story.

your friend
@sorenkierkegaard

I was the one who is suppoused to forgive, I could never be sure that she will not do it again. Ok the first affair was a mistake by being drunk but she kept it.. She continued the mistake. So it shoud be very hard to believe again that she will not do it again.

Nice post.Love conquer all. We should forgive each other 100%.But sometime we forget it.

Forgiveness is easy to give when you are in love and hard to ask for and again the other way round. You can forgive but be hurt forever of an act and that hurt will eventually lead to a break. As trust is the crown of love, you can't rule without your crown.

I once heard a maxim that went, "It's not enough that you turn the other cheek once or twice; One must turn an infinite amount of cheeks. This is how real love is." It's very difficult to practice this perfectly though.