Life stories: the deluded father
Life stories are always about real life experiences which are collected from real people. Sometimes I do it myself and at other times I get it second hand. Names/places are generally fictitious so that the subject’s identity is not compromised
A couple of months ago I was travelling in an auto which is a pretty popular mode of transport in India. I always talk to the auto drivers as a matter of course because they hear lots of interesting tales and they invent a few as well. Their memory is excellent and they have an opinion on everything under the sun. I asked him why he started driving an auto rickshaw and after much coaxing here is what he had to say:
Sir, you are the first person who has asked me about my family. Let me tell you that a family can be made in heaven or merely fallen into hell. It takes guts to admit that to our self. If you have a family then you are probably aware of what I am talking about!” I promptly professed my ignorance and asked him to explain further
Shiva’s first job was being an assistant to a carpenter in 1992. He used to earn 2 Rs per day which was a whopping 7 cents at the time. He used to glue pieces of wood together and also help in sanding the wood. He met and married Laxmi at the same time and the two of them led a very happy life for a few years. With dint of much hard work Shiva graduated to earning 8 Rs per day (22 cents) by 1996. As all couples go they eventually wanted children and wasted no time in making two of them. Both were boys at two years apart and perfect little angels when they were born. Shiva’s experience with his work had taught him one thing and that was to ensure that his kids would have the benefit of a good education. Shiva himself had never studied beyond the 4th grade and had to drop out at the time to make ends meet. The first few years with the kids was the happiest of their lives and Shiva prayed every single day thanking god for his good fortune.
Eventually when the eldest son became eligible for schooling Shiva realized that he did not want to put them in a government school. He wanted his children to learn English so that they could get better paying jobs and not suffer like their parents. He very soon realized that private schooling was not cheap and it would be next to impossible to support both of them in such schools on his meager salary. Shiva consulted his close friend and decided to get an auto. Shiva had a house which he promptly put up as collateral and realized enough money to put it up as an advance against a loan agreement with a nationalized bank. The auto was purchased for 5000 Rs down and this entailed a monthly payment of Rs 3000 for the next 3 years. This helped him enroll both of them in a Christian funded school that had a good reputation in their area.
Sir, I am sure that you have no idea how big it was for me. I can see by the look in your face that schooling came naturally to you. For us, education is something that is deeply coveted. It is like modern gold for without it we can never rise out of the mess we find ourselves in
Both children did exceedingly well in the beginning. They used to regularly be at the top of the class and given that Shiva knew next to nothing about education; it was a shot in the arm for his efforts. Shiva used to make 100 Rs a day and it was exceedingly difficult to make ends meet. He had to pay the installment amount every month, the school expenses for the kids and maintain the house with his wife. He would break even for a few months and during the others he would resort to micro borrowing from a well known money lender. Micro loans were lent in the morning by 8 AM and returned at the end of the same day. They had interest rates as high as 20% and if the loan was defaulted then he would get a grace period of 2 days with a cumulative interest plan. If he did not pay at the end of the grace period then the loan collectors would be sent out. He recalled an incident when he could not pay and the collectors came into his home, snatched his wife’s gold bangles, threatened him with an axe and left him alone.
Shiva and his wife went hungry for entire days just so that his children could eat. He would have a coffee in the morning and some buttermilk in the evening and if fate permitted a banana at night. Laxmi was equally hard on herself as she would go on fasts for no reason at all. Neither of them complained at the state of affairs as it was a pleasure for them to behold their children donning the uniform everyday to go to school and coming back with beaming smiles. Both of them were doting parents and were incredibly proud that their children were at school in the day time when other kids just used to loiter around and indulge in anti social activities.
Sir, it was a relief for us that our children were at school and out of mischief. Our greatest wish that one day they would become prosperous rested on the very education that we ourselves were denied. Did you know that no one in our colony had a raincoat?
Laxmi used to walk with them to school every day and walk back afterwards. Most of the time the teachers used to try and explain about the kids to her but she never understood. She was always in awe of the teachers and would generally nod her head smiling all the while. Afterwards she would ask the children about it but they used to laugh at her saying that she would never understand school and she would subside.
One day when she was walking back from school, a lady came to her and started shouting at her loudly in front of the school gate. She was able to figure out that her children always used to steal things from other kids and the lady who was shouting at her was the mother of a child who was Suresh’s classmate. The lady was demanding money from her and Laxmi had nothing to give her in return. Laxmi hurried away from the scene as fast as she could with her head down in shame. When Shiva heard of the events of the day he was aghast and he asked his children whether any of this was true? The kids were extremely sullen and refused to answer him. Shiva was crestfallen at the turn of events. He had expected great things from his children and to hear stories about their thievery was deflating. He forthwith decided that his children would not lack for anything. He borrowed 1500 Rs and purchased new clothes, school bags, pencil boxes, books and even rain coats.
Life went on in similar fashion and Shiva’s only reaction to such unsavory incidents was to regale his children with more bright and fancy things. Shiva hoped that one day the kids would see the light and improve themselves. By now Shiva was carrying a running daily debt of over 30000 Rs. He had to borrow every single day to buy food and supplies for home. Shiva and Laxmi had not bought new clothes for themselves for almost 10 years now. Shiva had paid off the initial loan that he had taken and he had extricated his house from the bank’s clutches. He still had running repairs on the house, auto maintenance, school expenses and extracurricular expenses as well. He used to drive 12-14 hours every day, eating as little as possible. He had grown thin, lost most of his hair and was having severe gastric problems. Laxmi had also withered away as she worked 4 houses as a maid servant.
Sir, you tell me how I can correct them. I have tried everything but it has not worked. My only hope was that they will realize sooner or later that we were doing the best we could. Sometimes we were doing better than most parents in the area and giving them the best of things
When the children graduated from school, Shiva found a college that was pretty close to where they lived with the added advantage of being economical. His elder son enrolled into the commerce wing while his younger son attended pre university classes at the same institution. The fees of course tripled and he his rotating credit rose to 45000 Rs. He had to buy both of them mobile phones which added to his misery. He also had to take care of their not so inconsiderable monthly bills. Shiva could never see the light at the end of the tunnel. He had lost all sense of time as well as purpose. He was living day to day with the primary duty of paying off his debts. Life had him in a vice like grip and no amount of wriggling could get him out. But now his children were going to college and he hoped that one day they would deliver from this endless misery. He had no money to take care of Laxmi’s relentless cough. He instead went to a local quack whose lethal prescriptions kept Laxmi down for months on end.
College made matters much worse. Suresh got into bad company and hardly attended classes. Instead he would steal money from home and spend it on cigarettes and cheap liquor. Navin was equally way word and had developed a listless attitude and would never do anything to help his parents. Shiva had to wake up in the morning, curse them so that they would leave home, clean his auto and set out on his rounds without eating breakfast. Laxmi was bedridden most of the time for the events had taken a serious toll on her overall health. Shiva still believed that his elder son would come to his senses and somehow resurrect his life.
Parents are always naïve with respect to their children and Shiva was no exception. By and by he came to know that Suresh used to plot with his friends to steal valuables from college and sell them in a pawn shop. With the money they would hang out, smoke weed and drink themselves to a stupor. He did not tell Laxmi for this would surely be heart wrenching for any mother. He confronted Suresh who became sullen and morose as he outlined the chicanery that had occurred. Suresh did not utter a word and instead looked at Shiva with contempt as if to suggest that Shiva had no business talking to him. After that day, Suresh left the house never to come back. Navin stayed at home and never went to the college for he had no interest in academics or work. In fact it seemed like he had no interest at all and was like a parasite on his parents.
He turned around and said “our entire life was flowing down the gutter and we could not stop it. Like a bleeding wound that could not be stitched and closed. We could see it unfolding but we could do nothing. Sir, that is helplessness”
Laxmi wept for her children and for her dear husband. She slowly but surely slipped into an everyday routine of severe coughing followed up by bouts of vomiting. Shiva had no money to take her to the hospital but the situation seemed grim. So he mustered up some money and took her to the hospital where she was diagnosed with tuberculosis. When they came back from the hospital, Laxmi told him not to worry. She would go away to her native village where there was a doctor who would cure her completely. Shiva returned back home after leaving Laxmi at her parents place in Nigani.
Four weeks later when he went again to see her, he was shocked to see her condition. She was emaciated but the whooping cough had not left her. She looked like an old woman with stringy arms and sunken eyes. Shiva immediately rushed her back to their house and took her to the hospital again. Once the doctor had examined her, he called Shiva aside and told him that Laxmi was dying and nothing could be done. Shiva finally realized that Laxmi had made the ultimate sacrifice by not wanting to be a financial burden on him.
Laxmi was buried 10 days later with Shiva performing all the rituals. Both his sons did not show up for the funeral. In fact Shiva never expected or even wanted them to appear as he did not want Laxmi’s sacrifice to be corrupted by the moral turpitude of their children. He had started not thinking of them as children anymore. He used to see Suresh from occasionally and neither would acknowledge the other. Navin was indifferent to the world and no one could rouse him. He would eat, sleep, eat some more and sleep again. If Shiva tried to goad him too much, Navin would stand up and slap Shiva until his nose bled. After that Navin would go back to sleep again.
Sir, today I have a loan of a half a million rupees on my head. I keep paying it every month as I don’t want to sell my house. I don’t have any other property to support me when I can no longer support myself. I am sure that no children of mine will ever take care of me. I make around 1000 Rs per day nowadays because I never refuse any fare. I never stop my vehicle like other auto drivers and instead I keep roaming the city from morning to evening. The day I pay off the loan I will be a free man. I will be free to face death in a manner of my choosing and when it comes to visit me, I will go to sleep next to Laxmi thinking about the wonderful years I had with her. I will drive this auto until the loan is paid off which should take 3 more years. After that I will leave the vehicle in the middle of the road and walk away to my house. Let some poor soul take it and make use of it. Let it be as useful to him as it was to me. My wife is dead, my children are dead and my life will be too. I don’t need an auto rickshaw any longer to save me from my fate
That my dear readers was that. I had continued my ride for much longer than i wished but what i got in return was wisdom of incomparable value. I got off the auto, paid him a nice tip ( i could do nothing else) and bade him have a good day. I am grateful to him for having made me realize how good fortune favors us all and we don't appreciate it.