How To Stop Living With Regret

It's been nearly four years since I finally admitted to myself I was a gambling addict and got the help I needed thanks to the urging of my family and friends. I've since made great progress in taming the beast that always chases me, and I hope to continue to do so.

Last year I shared my story about my depression and gambling addciton and the role cryptocurrency played in some of the darkest days of my life.

I was blown away by the support and comments from the Steemit community.

But the truth is, the last few days have been incredibly tough for me.

No.. I haven't relapsed and started gambling again.

But I have been living in the past. And it continues to haunt me.

If you haven't read my original story, in 2013/2014 I racked up over 30k in gambling debt playing Bitcoin poker. I maxed out my credits (and paid a premium to do so) and convinced myself I was a "good poker player." I would play poker 18-20 hours a day, be "ahead" 2-4 bitcoin, move up the tables, get crushed, rinse and repeat.

In the process of gambling with Bitcoin, I fell in love with crypto in general, and I started reading Bitcoin talk religiously.

And I made a few "good calls" when it came to investing in some of the "newer" altcoins in the space.

One of those "good calls" was buying two NEM tokens for 10 dollars back before it even launched.

Now keep in mind, at this point, I was doing everything I could to get more bitcoin to fuel my gambling addiction. I held onto my NEM until launch then cashed out for 3k off a 10 dollar investment.

Even being a gambling addict, that return was literally mind blowing to me. I had never experienced anything like it.

I looked at my girlfriend and told her I was going to take her out to a nice dinner.

But I didn't.

Instead, I promptly deposited my winnings into Seals with Clubs and proceeded to lose every penny (and then more) in a matter of 30 minutes. I knew I had a problem but didn't do anything to fix it.

Of course, my family and friends eventually found out and intervened and helped me realize y compulsive behavior was ruining my life.

Fast forward today, having not been in the crypto world for quite some time, I was bored and looked at coinmarketcap to see that NEM is now worth .25 cents a piece.

Keep in mind, my two NEM tokens traded for 4.5 Million NEM back in 2014/2015.

And I gambled it all away....

Of course, no one ever knew NEM was going to take off.
No one was sure Bitcoin would be around.
And of course, I'm not the first person to "lose out" on a LIFE CHANGING sum of money. Heck, imagine how the guy who paid 10,000 bitcoin for a pizza feels.

Sure I'd love to have 900k right now, but what bothers me is looking back at my destructive ways.

Looking back at all how gambling ruined my life for a period of time.

And it got me thinking.

The last few days I've been incredibly anxious ... and for what? An imaginary number in the computer? Something that may or may not have happened?

I've been so caught up in my past behavior, I've let it affect the only thing I'm in control of --- which is now.

It's been an interesting experience to sit with my feelings and emotions, but it's become even more clear then day, that my behavior could have ruined my life forever if I didn't get help when I did.

I'm bummed I didn't keep my NEM until today.

And maybe you're bummed it didn't work outwith your husband.

Maybe you're bummed you didn't get your dream job.

But living in the past, only shackles you down and prevents you from flying in the future.

Yes, I made some terrible decisions, and perhaps you've found yourself in a similiar boat.

But the second you let your past dicate the power you have NOW, is the second you commit to a life of misery and unhappiness.

Of course things aren't always going to go your way. You're gonna make mistakes.

You have to do everything in your power to refuse to live in the past.

These last few days were a great reminder, and I hope these words give you the courage to turn the page as well.

-Bud

P.S Would love to know how you deal with regret? How do you stop living in the past? Leave a comment!