Why do we lie?

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I'm not here to justify the reasons why people tell lies. No matter how cogent the reason may seems, it is still better to tell the truth. People who have integrity issues, lie is a factor among them. They have become so crafty at telling lies that it resembles the truth. They are so convincing that you would be wrong not to believe them especially when they add a little melodrama to it thereby appealing to your emotions. A lie is the opposite of truth.

Anything referring to the truth but not the total truth is a lie. Call it partial lie, I place them all on same scale. If truth is white and lie is black, grey, off white, milk are not true. There are however people who live a lie. They tell you what you wish to hear or what they want you to believe. They control the circumstances to their favour. People have a number of reasons why they tell lies but a whole lot of time, it is rooted in fear. I'll be looking at just some of these obvious reasons.

1. Fear of being chided. This is very common among children. They could lie or twist the truth just to avoid punishment. A child for instance who returns from school with a very dirty uniform may be asked by the parents or guardian why he/she looks dirty. Out of fear of being spanked or reprimanded, he lies that a friend pushed him during break and he fell into the ditch meanwhile he was playing rough at school. He's just saved his head.

I have a kind of dent on the bone below my left eye socket. It looks much like the dimple in my cheeks only that it is not so deep. I was twelve years old, living with my elder sister. Meanwhile we had male neighbors who were few years older than me. The boys have been pressurising me for sex. I was just twelve. I couldn't tell anyone because I didn't know how I was going to say it. One afternoon, I returned from school. After changing to my house wear and taken lunch, I stepped out to play. This boy was on the way, he wouldn't let me pass. I didn't want to force my way because he would use that as an opportunity to touch my budding breast. So my only weapon was my mouth.

I insulted him so bad with all the grammar I knew. He got mad, took an iron rod and hit me in my face close to my eye. The skin just went inside. I cried from the hurt and he left my way. I didn't tell my sister what actually transpired. How will I say that he hit me for refusing to have Sex with him? I wasn't very open to my elder sister because she scolded me too often and blames me a whole lot of time. I just lied that I insulted him and that was what gave rise to him hitting me. The hollow depression is a scar till forever.

2. Fear of loss. A lot of people have resorted to lies because of fear of loss of a means of their livelihood. A newly wedded couple got a house maid to assist with household chores, cleaning, cooking, shopping and all. The husband of the house made several attempts to sleep with her. She's scared to open up and tell his wife because irrespective of the outcome of the die, it will not be in her favour as it would mean her losing her job. She decides to keep it secret and lies to cover up until the truth can no longer be hidden.

3. As a means of bail. People also use lied to bail themselves or others out of an unfavourable situation. A woman who gets out of bed late for instances and is already late for work may have to lie to her boss that her child was sick and needed medical attention and so, maybe she had to take the child to hospital first and ensure that treatment begins before rushing down to office. Just imagine. People can think of the most mundane things as a cover up for ugly situation. A kid might claim responsibility for what he or she didn't do, just to save the face of another maybe a much younger sibling or friend.

4. When the truth is not pleasant. When people feel that telling the truth will bring an opposite effect of what they intend, they may just settle for lies. People have chosen to sweep the truth under carpet for as long as they can because owing up to the truth will cause some damage. A man who has a child from a secret affair may not tell his wife in the house because telling the truth may cause him his marriage and probably his legal wife may not understand. That's why we hear stories spring up after a man's demise probably when the lawyer is reading the will only to find that there is another child. That's disheartening.

5. People lie as a second nature. There are people who have so mastered the art of lying such that it comes really easy for them. They lie by default. I wonder how they do this though. When they greet you good morning, you may need to check your time to be sure it still is morning. When they tell you to look at something up, it might save your head to look for it on the ground. Such people don't have integrity as you can't trust them when you need truth. This may just be their weakness.

If we set good examples for children as parents and older adults, they will learn to always tell the truth. Just as you punish offenses, also reward truths. That way, the child will come to value truth and grow up that way. The Bible says to train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it. That's the effect of conditioning. I've always told myself that the shame for being caught when I tell a lie is worse than the embarrassment that would result from owing up from the very beginning and later having to apologize. Lies have separated families and destroyed friendship. It has cost people more than truth would have. So at every point, make up your mind to tell the truth.