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RE: Transgender: Ask Me Anything - What questions might Steemit users have but been afraid to ask? September Edition
Passing is a bit of a minefield. Sometimes it can dominate a person's feelings of success, and be seen as the holy grail, and a source of privilege.
How important is passing to you? What would you say about it's perceived importance among the trans-community?
This is an excellent question and you're spot on with it being a 'minefield!'
Passing can be a somewhat convoluted topic especially mixing a more practical vs ideal approach.
First let me start by saying that comfort in self image is important up to a level, but for anyone trans or cis, it can't really be the ONLY focus. For example, a cis-woman who only focuses on how she looks to others and misses all inner focus, runs into some of the same pitfalls.
Early on, I read a lot on how defining one's self SOLELY by their transition or being transgender typically led to problems. It's sort of like finally getting through the finish line for a marathon, just to find that nobody is there to celebrate it with you. There has to be other inner passions and focus to keep things well rounded.
Early on I found passing to be very important, wearing wigs before my hair grew out, not going out without makeup, etc. Feeling like I passed allowed ME to feel comfortable. I remember some of my early days going out as female where I was so paranoid, always looking over my shoulder wondering who knew, that it just made me stick out even more.
As time went on and I felt more comfortable both in my appearance and my ability to potentially handle any questions/issues people had (so long as there was no violence) that I didn't think nearly as much about passing.
The practical side of passing is feeling comfortable going out and interacting with a society. I never knew how people would react to me, really just wanting to 'blend' is as female and go about my day (especially when dealing with public bathrooms.) On this aspect, I can't fault anybody for wanting to feel some social comfort, considering how many in society still feel/think about the trans community. There is no denying that 'passing' is a privilege, it just made things easier in general. People either didn't know I was trans or if the did know, understood that I was presenting female and treated me accordingly. To this day I remember some of my early 'little wins' like getting called ma'am through a drive through speaker (after I'd worked a lot on my voice.) Whether we like it or not, social reactions play into my feedback loop by reinforcing (ideally positively) my being a female.
(I view gender largely as a social construct. If everyone was just accepted when wearing, presenting, or expressing themselves however they wanted, I don't think the term of gender would mean as much, if anything.)
However, there is NO denying that the transwomen (transmen typically don't have as many acceptance issues socially) I know that don't have as much passing privilege have a tougher time with over hearing snide remarks, weird/nasty looks, etc... while at work or just out and about. (Voice also plays some part of passing too.)
On the ideal side of things, people shouldn't care how others look, even when trans. When we live is such a world I think the idea of passing becomes mostly moot. This would remove a lot of the social stigma of going out dressed and expressing as desired. (Personally I've not had any bad situations in public or work. So I do want to admit that the vast majority of the social stigma was in my own head, which I had to get through over the years. For others I know who have had situations occur, I can't say it's just in their head.)
TL;DR...
In my opinion passing, when possible, is a helpful tool to generate confidence is once self and reduce the worry of social interactions. But this is not the end all, nor is it an option for every transperson. Regardless of how, it's imperative for anyone trans or cis, to find comfort in their self image AND how society views them.
While passing is a privilege that makes things easier (in current society) it is by no means the end goal. We are all more than our bodies, more than out self image. We have passions, curiosities, and feelings behind the physical shell that have to be just as nurtured for long term satisfaction.