Translation of @asperger-kids's post via Google Translate:

A few days ago, I stood in front of the mirror for the first time in 20 years, looking at my face, and a smile crossed my lips.

I smiled to myself, from soul to body and felt love for this body. I looked around, round, wide unbelievably feminine and yet I was in complete harmony with myself. Slowly I raised my breasts, turned to one side and imagined what my chest would look like when they were gone. I stroked my stomach and thighs, almost feeling the coming changes under my fingers.

I stood there, saw myself and started to cry.

That is not uncommon. Only if this happened to me, it was because my heart was cramping. Because the gap between outside and inside tore me and the pain was hard to bear. Then I lay down on the floor and cried over my lost life until there were no more tears that I could have cried.
But this time it was different. I cried out of gratitude. Gratitude that I did not kill myself at the age of 14, when I stood so often on top of the rock and thought it would be better if I jumped. Thankful for all the years that I was able to live my motherhood in my job. Thankful for my nine year relationship with a truly wonderful person. Thankful for everything that was, is and will be.

For the first time in my life, I felt deep inner peace and understood the gift of being born in a female body.

I enjoyed this moment, felt completely free and enjoyed the energy of the future as it rushes and breaks on the beach in big waves, so full of power and beautiful.

Suddenly I had the desire to see my childhood again with this deep self-love, to take time for little Raphael in me. I took two banana boxes full of photos from my mom's basement and began to relive my childhood in pictures.

Never before have I been able to look at myself with so much affection, generosity and love. I saw this little boy and loved him so much. I felt myself and was in complete harmony with my life. At four in the morning, I put the last photo back in the box and smiled. That's me, my life and I'm so thankful for that. All is well.

A few days ago, my stepfather wrote me a whatsapp message. He can not really understand where the topic of transsexuality comes from at once and he does not share my perception. I would only think that even as a child I had these feelings, he could not remember that I had ever been like that.

I took note of this statement and felt his misery behind it. How hard does it have to be for him not to have seen me with it. He is a person who always wants to save everyone and could not help his own child, could not see what hardships I suffered. I understand his pain and it's okay. But the journey through time proves it picture by picture.

Deep down in my soul I've always been who I can finally become again.

In a few months, there may be more ranks, my life as a woman and then the change, from the woman back to the man. I'm looking forward to every single day of this trip.