Dear Someone, First Kiss

Dear Someone.

The following are letters I’ve written over the past few years. Letters to someone, to no one, to everyone, and even to myself. They are written in no particular order. There are memories fragmented through words. I have changed names and tried not to share anything personal about others.

Dear Someone,
Do you remember our first kiss… I remember it because it was my first.

I remember the lead up to it quite well too.

You and I met a while back. Work brought us together as friends. I was blind to see that you liked me even though you threw out a lot of hints. I was never good at social clues. To this day I still don’t get some of them.

Then we bumped into each other at class. I got to know you more. One day I met you in the commons. You had dressed really nice. We went out to dinner at my favorite Chinese place. You told me you dressed up for me.
My mind had to do a double take. I was so flattered. I didn’t understand it much because I’m still me. I wasn’t sure anyone liked me that way and wasn’t sure how to take it. Still, don’t quite understand how to take something like that. Though I remember appreciating that moment even more.

Glad that’s changed to appreciate the moment rather than try to understand it at the moment. If I could go back and talk to myself before I would tell myself “Shut up the voices in your head shouting at you and focus on her… what’s her story.”

A few days later we were hanging out. Went swimming a few times.

I wasn’t sure what we were, I just knew you were pretty awesome. You seemed to enjoy my company and my quirkyness. We lay there on the floor of my apartment near the doorway parting both rooms. Your young child going through one of my bookcases in the next room. Still in eyesight. You cuddled up next to me. You asked me “do you want to be my boyfriend?”

My heart dropped like a rock. My mind began to race, what was happening. I'd never felt anything like that before. I'd had a girlfriend before, but it wasn't like this.

I said “I would be honored, yes”. You smiled as I looked into your eyes. I looked up and glanced into the next room. Then you grabbed my head and pulled me in for a kiss. Sparks flashed in my mind as it raced.

I’m certain that the sparks in my head could be registered on one of those satellite monitors they use to detect lightning strikes.

It was very nice.

You tasted like… you. I can’t place how you taste, because there is nothing that compares to the taste of you. I have yet to find something that tastes like it.

Even though that relationship didn’t last as long as I hoped it would have, it was an eye-opener. And you were pretty special to spend those short couple of weeks with me.

I wonder how you are. Yeah, after our relationship collapsed, we did meet a few times after that. sometimes going to the pool. Once to show you my new car. I scraped your windows a couple of times. It was handy that you lived in the apartment across the way from me. It’s who I am.

I contacted you a while back, but it was met with a very blunt response. I was confused, but I figured you were probably going through a rough time. All I wanted was to say hi.

I bumped into someone who looked a lot like you once or twice. I’m ashamed of the life I’ve got so I wasn’t able to get up the nerve to say Hi.

If you read this, I want you to know that you tasted like you. Thank you for that moment in my life that brought a lot of life and happiness for a brief moment.