Dear Someone - Ashamed

in letters •  7 months ago  (edited)

Dear someone are letters I’ve written to someone, everyone, and no one in particular. Some of them are words written to help me through life struggles. Others are written to share feelings I lack the words to express. I share memories to myself, songs to no one.
Maybe one day I will shuffle the letters into a book and publish it. Or someone may find these and see how much pain I am working through. Even I don’t understand it all I find a strange comfort in writing letters. An art that used to be crafted with a pen to paper, in fact, I prefer that method. Most of these letters were first written that way. I hope you enjoy them.keep-writing.jpg

Dear Someone,
How do you find closure for something you had little control over?

I love my grandparents a great deal. I love my parents as well. Family is very important to me. It always has been, always will be. It’s what I keep trying to teach my son.
When My marriage started falling apart, honestly only a few years after it started, I felt so ashamed. I had made this commitment and I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t know how to put the broken pieces together. I picture the guy at the dam where the dam cracks and the guy puts his finger on the broken leak. He finds a bit of tape and covers the hole. Before he knows it the wall is tumbling down.
I hated myself. I hated my inability to make my wife happy. It wasn’t until much later in life that I realized that I couldn’t make anyone happy, especially if I wasn’t happy myself.
I wanted so badly to go see my family, to see mal’s family. But I was ashamed of who I was. The darkness flowing around me. I hated telling people that my wife wasn’t happy. I felt like a failure in my marriage. Failed in being a dad.

How do you find closure for something you had little control over?

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This one was one I wrote as my marriage was failing and falling apart. I've grown a lot since this was written. What are your thoughts?

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