The art of lettings thing out, but not go:

It's very rare to have a spark as what we had.

Your mass has a terrestrial gravity on a poet immortal soul such as mine. On this, I affirm with no doubt. I also, blame gravity for keep crashing our moons together with an unknown force that could never be labialized.

I love you if love were the purest form of expression. It's humble enough to be the cosmic primitive connection that links galaxies, stars and entity which lives inside the two lavs your eyes represent. You have no idea.

Now! This being said.

I apologize for the theatrical drama my subconscious produce and direct. I let myself go with you, more than what I saw myself could. For that, I am thankful and ashamed, and there is not a single word or kindness from your side can build a bridge that can pull me out from the mud I feel I drown myself into.

However! I am cursed with being conscious. Hence, read this, but listen to the words echoes from your heart.

I apologize for the allergy that causes your peace to be restless in my zone. I know it's not under my control. Seeing you feeling sick, heartbroken me. I care about your wellbeing, although mine is notorious. However! I saw it as a chance to take care of you. Helplessly by a chicken soup, I claim to be magical. But the point is, all what I wanted was to give you a genuine care.

I apologize for the three nightmare cocktail of hell's night. Trust me it was no fun to me neither. Perhaps! Shortly, I would be able to laugh about it. Believe me; I will. Where ever there is a tragedy, definitely there are something comedic lies in the dark and behind the scenes. It was the day where I got the medical report. The image of me as a Davinci's object on it, with scars from three decades of life …

Destroyed me…

The irony, that night I was lying in bed in agony. You were standing in the bathroom on your feet, sick, tired, confused. You didn't need to be around this mess. It was one of the awful nights I spent here in Oregon too. At least it can't be worse from here, I say to myself.

It was just on the same snowy day we were almost alone in that Mexican restaurant. You were consumed at the time with the love your friends gave you. I can't blame them. It's the day to express how special you are to whoever been around you. It's your birthday which matches main. Distance does not matter. I am the proof. I understand them too and love them for loving you.

To be honest, I was sensitive. I felt! I was in a situation where I got the time and the place, but not the friend who kept his eyes to his phone. After couples of tears in a freezing weather mixed with Marlboro silver pack and a long lyft drive. I remembered an old fact that nobody is supposed to be the center of the universe. Neither makes me. I shouldn't expect anything, even from you. Even if you cross half the east to the west coast. The pleasure of fighting my personal past demons were always my genera of specialties.

I apologize for the burden of guilt your tears taste on my lips. You don't need to be a witness of what was not your fault. Importantly, I didn't want the heaviness to lay its humidity on our communication and suffocate it.

I understand if you needed to take time out for mem even there is only two nights left and you spent one away already. I understand if you wanted to have fun or plans somewhere else. Please understand that I understand. After all, I still think that I am your friend before a thing.

I apologize for being vulnerable enough to reach to an old friend called Johnny Walker, in the black alley I called my life when your joke hurts me. The thoughtful you was not there. I blacked out, and I am still duple ashamed so far. No one likes to be pathetic.

Maybe, the hardship I am going through flies you away. But, dearest! I know for a fact that what I am going through is just another storm in my life before the calms start to kick in. But don't coincident me by saying you just come here only for me. I am your youth first fan. Please fill your life with every chance you get, I love you for that more.

No one could ever be happy to see someone like I was happy to see you. I tried to be perfect and feminine as much as I can, to the limit I felt stupid now. But the fire we let back in Philly was a godly magical force. When you came over last Sep you made an atheist find peace in a cosmic God. The aroma of the connection was a hypnotizing. Just like your voice and those eyes. Nothing will let the fire burn away, its energy will never die.