If you’re lactose intolerant, hate chocolate or can’t afford more LEGO, I have the answer. Read on for more!

Fourteen is the upper age limit of this advent calendar. Poo to that, I say!

Today is the seventh of December. What perfect timing to talk about commencing an advent calendar for Christmas - a week late. It isn’t anything new for the @nickmorphew Steemit space and I’m sure you’re used to it by now. Did I mention it's my birthday tomorrow? Yeah. There’s that, too.

The story of how a man, thirty three years and 364 days old, buys plastic toy bricks. Trust me. Riveting stuff. We're talking Eat Pray LEGO, here.

You may be wondering why I’m holding a new LEGO set in the thumbnail. The fact is, I bought another LEGO set. But wait. Hear me out. There’s a whole story that goes along with it.

As I was driving Evie (my electric marshmallow car) home, I decided it might be worth stopping in at my local shopping centre – Warrawong Plaza, for all those playing along at home. My mind was set on simply perusing the shelves to see if anything snazzy was released ready for Christmas. While I was there, I thought I would grab a couple of small sets for my nephews who are three and five years old.

Evie in the woods - she's a 2012 Mitsubishi iMiEV 100% electric vehicle.

I get through the automatic doors of the complex and weave like an agile ferret, up past a few zombified shoppers on the up-ramp. Somehow, many people just cannot manage to push a trolley (not full enough to even warrant one) and walk at a regular walking pace all at the same time. I guess I’m just very impatient or have an unusually long stride.

Whatever the case, every time I’m out, the speed of the general public annoys the Christmas cakes out of me.

So I’m wandering through Target and make my way down to the toy section. I never go straight to the LEGO. I always spend a bit of time looking at the action figures or other merch I’m interested in, but to a lesser extent than LEGO. It’s all about delayed gratification for me. I like to savour my shopping moments.

I wait for the other annoying shoppers to move away from the LEGO. When the coast is clear, I sidle into the ‘LEGO bliss’ zone. If at all possible, I love being the only one in the LEGO section to appreciate it without some flippety-kid, spoiled brat shaking boxes and wailing for another Death-Star (yeah, THOSE kids). Or of course, a forty-something, overweight programmer in a sweat-stained shirt, fouling up the air around me as he digs through the collectable minifigures, feeling up bags with those oily, Dorito-stained fingers. That guy’s a nervous glancer, trying to avoid those disapproving looks from young mothers who’ve perfected the ‘guilt trip eye’.

As it turned out, there was 20% off. Woot.

Even better, no sweaty men or screeching children. The downside was that Target have a gawd-awful range of LEGO at the best of times aside from the occasional exclusive. I did see a jungle starter set (with an alligator/caiman) and a Tow-Mater (from Disney’s Cars) that I thought would be perfect for the boys. Next stop; Big W.

Hayley messaged me while I was in Target, so my time in Big W was going to be limited. I ducked and weaved (again) through the idiotic zombies staring at Christmas chocolates and decorations and bee-lined it for the LEGO section. No time for shopping enjoyment. The difference between the two department stores is astounding. I gawked for what seemed like an eternity at the new LEGO Star Wars range. The Jakku Quadjumper looked glorious in it’s dusty, mechanised magnificence and I was imagining how splendid Kylo Ren’s TIE Silencer (not TIE Fighter) would look atop my black and red Aerocool PC case.

LEGO Star Wars Jakku Quadjumper

And, while not LEGO related, the Hot Wheels Star Wars Star Ships look amazing. They’re just the right size to demand attention and very swooshable. I bought some of these a while back and I could only manage to locate the blue and white Resistance X-Wing. I Had Poe’s X-Wing, the Falcon and a couple of TIE variants, too. They’re all total value for money.

I somehow managed to shake myself from the LEGO Star Wars stupor, wander about past the City and Friends section, past Ninjago and back around to the Star Wars wall of glorious goodies. At about knee height, something struck me. Not literally. No annoying kids were about. My eyes caught something that very rarely becomes available to the general public (at least not in Australian department stores) – a LEGO advent calendar. Not just any advent calendar – a LEGO Star Wars one. Usually $45, they are a bit expensive for what you’re getting. A handful of minifigures, possibly one that is limited until inevitably released in another set, and a few plates and bricks that constitute ‘mini-builds’. I noticed a small yellow sign that indicated a discount – down to $35. I really had no intention of buying anything for myself, but at this price for a LEGO advent calendar, it seemed just plain silly of me not to get it. I’m always keen to price check it first, and so I did. The new price popped up and my eyes lit up. GREAT.

So I arrive at the checkout and scan my new purchase and it comes up $45. Seriously. Fair shake of Santa’s Sleighbells.

I’m looking around for help like a kid who’s just finished potty and in need of dire assistance. Finally, I’m approached by a woman who (without bothering to look) instructs me to place the box on the scale and walks off before actually finding out what my problem was.

Like some obedient moron, I do as I’m told (despite this not being an issue) then finally get her attention again and explain to her the box rang up full price despite being on sale. I explained that there was a sale tag and the customer price check point both indicated it was supposed to be $10 less. A contorted expression appeared on her face as she said that shouldn’t happen. I’m assuming all the computers are connected by some magical wires and speak the same language and I had no reason to refute her claim, however, I don’t make a habit of lying. Could it be possible that price checker just felt like being nice to me or one of it’s wires fell off and didn’t get the memo from it’s boss computer?

So this whole debacle ended up involving a taut youth who apparently had more authority than witchy-poo (she couldn’t just ring up the new price for me). He went off looking for the product (it was the last one) and came back telling me he couldn’t find where it was. Of course, I leapt into action and jogged down to the LEGO section again (becoming less joyful this time round) to snatch up the yellow tag with the new price. We discussed the issue of the tag’s date being the 7th but they honoured the new price and I walked out of the shop feeling like I got a bargain and an aerobic workout at the same time.

Did you expect me to give you the “How to.. Advent Calendar Guide” in this instalment? You don’t know me well enough!

See you tomorrow – another day LATER and even less relevant, with your guide on how to create the ‘poor man’s’ LEGO advent calendar.

So you're enjoying the content, my smile, humour or.. whatever? UPVOTE to keep me writing and COMMENT to keep me on my toes. FOLLOW if you want these gleaming teeth in your news feed (you know you want to).

All the best,
Nick.

All content is original.

References

LEGO Star Wars Jakku Quadjumper