_{My old man, José Lezama Sánchez}

Greetings
This is my (late) entry for @brittandjosie’s #Learnandearn contest Special Father’s Day Edition.

Details here: https://steemit.com/contest/@brittandjosie/nwe-week-contest-learnandearn-week-29-join-in

What did I learn from my father?

My father died some 5 years ago. I never thought I would miss him, but I do. I think that as a general rule, except in extreme cases of neglect or abuse, we all end up missing our parents when they are gone.

My father was a military guy, a disciplinarian who never knew another way of conducting himself in life, a man of duty and stern character who was away most of the time until he retired before retirement time, partly because he understood that his profession was ruining his family life and putting his personal integrity at risk. He had his way of living and caring. We (my 6 siblings and I) never understood it as we were growing up. It became clearer as we became parents ourselves. I learned more things from my father than I thought I could count; probably more things he himself knew he had taught me.

1. By quitting his job my father taught me that, no matter how much you think is at stake, no job is worth your integrity. You can always say no to an order, regardless of how high it comes from. You just have to face the consequences holding your head high.
2. My father taught me that good fences keep good neighbors. He was a man who valued his privacy and respected that of others. He hated gossiping and idleness. He taught us to keep boundaries, sometimes in extreme ways. One day he drew a yellow line on our sidewalk to remind us that we were supposed to play in front of our house without invading the neighbor’s territory. Our balls did not have to hit any windows or go over any fences (better safe than sorry). We did not have to disturb anyone with unnecessary noise or impertinences. Respect to others was key to demand respect for ourselves.
3. My father taught me how to choose friends and how to turn away from trouble. No one who asked me to lie to my parents was worth my friendship. No one who made me break the rules of my family deserved my affection. It was better to turn away from a dare than to bring shame to the family. Friends were to be considered not based on interest but on principles. Poor or rich, good friends are always good and care about one’s wellbeing. Good friends warn you about trouble; they do not lead you into trouble. Good friends make you value your family, not question it or reject it.
4. My father taught me the value of hard work. Except for his afternoon nap, which was scared, he was never idle. After he retired from the military, he became a farmer. He worked his ass off to turn a small bamboo forest into a cocoa plantation that became the envy of the area (so much so that he had to sell it eventually at a skinny hen’s price because robbers were driving him crazy).
5. My father taught me to love plants of all kinds. He loved gardening and cleaned neat spaces. He could paint a wall several times a year if it was necessary. He hated dirtiness. In one occasion he took it on himself to clean an empty lot across our house that was becoming a small messy snake-infested forest. He discovered some guava trees hidden among the weed and thorny bushes, cleared the land around them and when they grew big enough to bear fruits painted their bark. It looked like a park. He built some benches with bamboo and people would sit there when it was not too hot. We would play marbles and tops. It did not last long. Some neighbors complained that my father wanted to get the piece of land for himself. They went to the mayor’s office and had a bulldozer wipe out the whole guava park.
6. My father taught me that honesty was probably not the most profitable policy, but was the one that would allow you to sleep soundly. He would rather lose in a deal than be accused of dishonesty. And, boy did he lose money!
7. My father also taught me some minor yet useful practical stuff, like the habit of reading the newspaper, how to polish my shoes and use a machete, especially to cut bamboo, which can be really tricky (he learned it the hard way). Indirectly, he taught me that drinking, smoking, gambling, and womanizing were not desirable things, no matter how much our machista society pressed us male to engage in such activities. On the contrary, those things were the easiest road to perdition.

I wish all fathers a very Happy Father’s Day. Enjoy your children while you can. They grow fast and crap happens.

Thanks for your visit

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