Being an effective listener - part II

What's stopping you from being an effective listener?

Assumptions
The old saying goes: When you assume, you make an ass of u and me. Don’t assume that you know what the person wants to say. This is related to the speed gap. Control your impatience. Make sure you value what the speaker is saying.

Distractions
Most places are busy, lots of people, phones, computers etc. There could be other conversations going on in the background that steals focus, and you could also be distracted by more personal things, like hunger, personal problems, pain, exhaustion etc. Try to be aware of all these distractions, and in being aware you can ignore or at least tune them down.

Emotions
Maybe what the person is saying is upsetting? Control your emotions. You can be sympathetic without being emotional.
Maybe you don’t like the person talking? Or disagree strongly with what they’re saying. Try to focus on the message and to understand their point. Give the person speaking the benefit of the doubt.

Speed gap
You process information three to four times faster than you hear it. That makes it easy to get distracted, or to let your mind wander. Be mindful of this and notice when it happens. You can also use this “spare capacity” to get more information by listening closely to the tone, or observing the body language of the speaker. Don’t use this time to prepare a response, because you have most certainly jumped to conclusions if you do.

Time constraints
Remember to set aside time enough. Everyone is busy with all they have to do. So are you, but try to visualize the benefits of truly listening to someone, and the consequences of not listening. Especially in the longer perspective.

Ulterior motives
Make sure that you don’t let your motives get in the way of listening. Perhaps your motivation to help, impress or influence stops you from focusing on what the person is saying. These motives aren’t bad in themselves, but you should ensure that they don’t hinder you from listening and giving the speaker full attention.

[Photo by US-Army (CC)]