Did you know that I can speak a couple different languages?

You can too, and it's not too hard to learn. You might think it's hard to learn languages if you're stoned all the time but that's not the case at all - whatever part of the brain responsible for language isn't affected by marijuana. At least not for this cannabis enthusiast.

So fire up that device and let's get started.

Chinese, known as 中文 (Zhōngwén) in written form and 汉语 (Hànyǔ) in spoken form is a language spoken by over 1.2 billion people on planet Earth, accounting for approximately 14% of the world's population and is the most widely-spoken language by a long shot - Spanish and English trailing at 390 and 350 million speakers, 5.8% and 5.5% respectively. So if Chinese isn't your forte, you might as well start learning Español since numbers are growing!

Chinese is a tonal language that uses a logographic writing system. That means every word has its own tone, and its own corresponding character(s). Mandarin chinese uses 5 different tones, and the system for conveying the sounds of each word is called Pinyin.

Let's start our lesson with a conversation between two people in Nanjing, China.

同志, 你好！

今天很好，不是吗？

真正美丽.

好啊，你想去上海吗？我们可以用高铁。

啊，我不能。 我有严重的腹泻.

哦，太糟糕了 下一次。

Nǐ hǎo, tóngzhì

tóngzhì, nǐ hǎo

jīntiān hěn hǎo, bùshì ma?

Zhēnzhèng měilì

nǐ xiǎng qù shànghǎi ma? Wǒmen kěyǐ yòng gāotie.

A, wǒ bùnéng. Wǒ yǒu yánzhòng de fùxiè

ó, tài zāogāole xià yīcì.

Comrade, hello!

Hello, comrade.

Today is very nice, isn't it?

Truly beautiful.

Good, do you want to go to Shanghai? We can use the high-speed railway.

Ah, I can't. I have severe diarrheah.

Oh, too bad. Another time then.

So here's the breakdown. Chinese is comparable to English as a Subject-Verb-Object language, which is pretty straight forward. The basic greeting "Nǐ hǎo" (你好), both words in the 3rd falling-rising tone, means you-well. So Chinese has a well-wishing greeting. Another common greeting is to ask if you've eaten yet. So in China, being full is good.

今天很好 - jīntiān hěn hǎo, Literally "this-day-very-good", and then followed by 不是吗 bùshì ma -"not-is-question marker"?

The character 吗 (ma) - toneless- can be added at the end of any sentence to make it a question. Quite inventive actually.

真正美丽 - Zhēnzhèng měilì. Exactly as it sounds, each 2-character word corresponding to truly beautiful.

好啊 - Hao a - This character 啊 simply a sound that can be used in any sentence at the end.

你想去上海吗？我们可以用高铁。 - nǐ xiǎng qù shànghǎi ma? Wǒmen kěyǐ yòng gāotie.

The meat and potatoes. nǐ (你) you - xiǎng (想) want - qù (去) go - shànghǎi (上海） shanghai - ma(吗) ?

Very practical language. Quite objective.

Wǒ men (我们) - we, us - kěyǐ (可以) may - yòng(用) use - gāotie (高铁) fast rail.

Not too hard of a construction here, everything flows quickly. Much like the next line.

啊，我不能。 我有严重的腹泻 - A, wǒ bùnéng. Wǒ yǒu yánzhòng de fùxiè

Ah, Wǒ (我) Me, I - bù néng (不能) lit. not-capable. Wǒ (我) I - yǒu (有) have - yánzhòng (严重) severe - de (的) possessive marker - fùxiè (腹泻) lit. Abdominal flow, diarrheah.

So there you have it, the mystery of Chinese de-mystified. It's up to you to learn the difference between the 5 tones, which is pretty easy here.

Now as to learning Chinese characters, that's a different ball game. You have to understand that they are composed of smaller pictographs called radicals. You can learn all about it at this site zhongwen.com that I have used since I've had internet access. A great resource.

Hope you enjoyed this language mini-lesson. Stay tuned for more linguistic learning lessons!

All photos are my originals.