Disclaimer: I will never write about a coin, or anything else, I am holding, shorting, or involved with in anyway. I don't invest in a lot of coins because I have a very large monthly applesauce payment which seriously cuts into my liquidity. And, by the way, this is an interview with an anthropomorphic cryptocurrency. If this convinces anyone to buy, sell, or do anything with the coin...that person is probably a very nice person and needs to quickly drive themselves over to the local mental health clinic. I can send my Aunt for company. She comes with avocado too!
Welcome to our first episode of Misunderstood Coin Interviews, the only place where, through the magic of Elliot Waves and Homeopathy, currencies are transubstantiated into human form and grilled about their most intimate secrets.
Today we are sitting down with LanaCoin. Please don't misunderstand. This isn't the girl, Lana, or the creator, Dad-of-Lana. (We reached out to Lana and Dad-of-Lana, by loudly shouting their names into a cup attached to a string, but as of the time of publication, there was no response).
LanaCoin has a lot to tell us, and, because our publication deadline is imminent (all deadlines determined by my Aunt's internet addiction and my diminishing tolerance for her passive-aggressive sighing and groans the longer she has to wait to check her MySpace account), we'll get right into it.
ILTY: Hi LanaCoin! Can I say your name backwards so that I can write it in the interview transcript?
ILTY: NiacAnal, teehee.
ILTY: Can I call you that for the rest of the interview?
LanaCoin: Absolutely not. I prefer to be called LanaCoin. Or LanaCoin PoW/PoS Hybrid Sha256d. Thank you.
ILTY: No problem. I'll stick with LanaCoin. I have no idea what that other stuff means.
LanaCoin:Oh. You're not really up-to-date with cryptocurrency?
ILTY: No. But to be fair neither are you.
ILTY: So let's talk about the rumors that you...I have no delicate way to put this...that you enjoy being pumped. Are the rumors true?
LanaCoin: Look. It's not like that. I'm not, like, actively looking for so much action. It's not my plan to screw people...unlike some of these other coins.
ILTY: Are you referring to-"
LanaCoin: We don't have to bring names into it. Let's just say that...when we used to go to these parties and...and get pumped together...well...his hands weren't as strong as his name implies. Did you know he gave himself that name? It's just a nickname.
LanaCoin: Yeah! His real name is Frank! Not even FrankCoin...just "Frank." Loser.
ILTY: Alright, well time seems to have gotten away from us and our deadline is approaching.
LanaCoin: Yeah your Aunt just gave a pretty big harrumph.
ILTY: Yes, that's a good sign that we have to cut this off and get ready to go to print.
LanaCoin:To print? You print this thing?
ILTY: I mean, I copy and paste it into a WordPerfect document and print it out on a 9-pin dot matrix.
ILTY: To hang up on the refrigerator.
LanaCoin: So you're not a legitimate publication.
ILTY: And you're not a legitimate coin. FarstCoin was right about you.
LanaCoin: LOL, I can't believe you even hang out with that guy you loser.
**And that's all for this episode. Join us in the next installment as we try to avoid getting sued and forced to talk with Kim Karshashian, Coinye West!
Daily Bitcoin Philtrumocado Correlation = Aunt just pushed avocado up with tongue. Expect Bitcoin to rise.
Disclaimer: No advice ever given by me, here, or anywhere else, is reliable, or, even real. If you needed this disclaimer, buy a savings bond.