Putting down the bottle and Awakening to Spiritual Practices....

So what happened after I started to recover physically from my addiction? While the cold sweats , cravings, sleepless nights, and fuzzy brain subsided and my focus was less congested with my physical needs, consciously I started to wake up and realize I lived in a lunatic world and it was in conflict with what was in my heart. I realized I still had a lot of spiritual work to do. I wanted to figure out why I could feel there was so much more inside me and way less “out there” that made any sense. I had made a powerful connection with my Higher Power and wanted to not only nourish it, but explore more in the realm of my Spirituality as well. The 12 Steps is deeply spiritual and as I worked them it aided in this progress, but I felt I needed more resources. I started reading numerous spiritual books, took classes studying Metaphysics, and after hearing Deepak Chopra in an interview talking about the importance of asking yourself some essential questions, I started asking myself “Who am I?” Then I asked “Who’s asking the question, who am I?” then I just listened… I soon started having profound aha moments. I would notice there was no form to the answers coming back to me, there were no labels to the being that was creating the “me” in that moment. I began to receive signs and flashes of understanding from the Universe/God that led me to more questions and answers; What am I grateful for? What is real? What is my purpose? What really matters? I was led time and time again to divine love. It was then that I realized that we really are "spiritual beings" having a "human experience". It is not that I hadn’t considered it before but I have realized that Spiritual Awakenings often happen in waves, and it was due time for the tide to have come in and for the wave to hit me again when it did, because this time I was ready to ride it… The library of concepts my spirit had been gently reminding me of for many years but my ego had been resisting were resurfacing. I was also ready to finally let go of the idea I had to control everything. This was massive because I had tried to control my little bubble of the world for a long time, thinking if I could find a way to master that I could avoid the harsh reality of everyone else’s. Since my way had never worked anyhow it wasn’t surprising to see I had been doing it all wrong. All those “Let go, Let god” type slogans I had snubbed in A.A. in the past finally made sense and I felt like a doofus for ignoring what had been right in front of me for so long. It was the idea that all stress is really derivative of lack of faith and trust that things will work out. I was learning that if you ask for guidance, you can be led to what is for your greater good. It may not always appear to be the clear route but every experience has its purpose in the greater scheme of things.

Soon after this breakthrough, I became highly attracted to meditation because it brought me back to that place where I could tap into my higher self and receive what felt like downloads of this kind of information. I had finally found a direct link that expressed itself in many forms. Signs, dreams, visions and voices during meditation, and I began to hear a strong inner voice that I now know intimately as my "Higher Self" or my link to God. My faith grew and I was led to more practices and an even deeper grounded faith followed. Around the same time I started my meditation practice I began to study Chakras, I bought a book, studied it over the course of a couple months and started doing guided chakra clearing meditations as well. I was amazed that these energy centers that start at the top of your head and end at the bottom of your spine (the ones I learned about at first) regulate all parts of your bodily system, influencing everything from emotional processing to resistance to disease. It blew my mind and had me hooked. Then came yoga…

The extent of my kundalini Yoga experience was at first some practicing at home and reading about the powerful energy when I studied the Chakras. I was very drawn to it and felt that I could and would improve my kundalini yoga so that I could awaken all the Kundalini energy within me and learn how to harness and express it in beautiful ways. I learned that Kundalini helps you to let go of things from the past that you are holding onto more easily. The teachings spoke of all those who came before us being there to help us on our path…they taught me that we go through the movements and things come up, old cellular memory; we inhale and exhale and things get better. We purge those things we never use, exhale and things will improve because we can choose today and because we are never a victim. There were days I’d cry buckets in the middle of poses and felt I literally left bits and pieces of the damage of my past on the mat. After about four months I upped my time and skill level and could feel the difference in my practice. I’d have increased body buzzing, elated thoughts and the immediate effects of my practice would last for hours. The long term effects have been incredible. What Kundalini yoga does for my total sense of self-love and care, handling relationships and stress, and finding peace regardless of circumstance, has improved my life immensely. I continue to want to learn more and I have a desire to share the practice with others. I leave for India in 3 weeks to train for a month at an Ashram and I believe this experience will alter my life in the best way. I have opened parts of myself that I don't believe I will be so ignorant to close again and I don't plan on returning to a state of mind which will allow that.

Pushing myself in all my practices has led me to frontiers I never thought possible. Every day I wake up with Gratitude knowing that I am capable of great things because I have already come so far and because I no longer wear the heavy chains of this material existence, I am free to continue to heal and devote my day to peace and joy, to seeing love in everything. I excuse myself from every ridiculous limitation and every cultural paradigm as I practice letting go of the past. It is a learning process and every day is progress not perfection, but life keeps tasting sweeter, with more love in it.

Today, my spiritual ideology is not the exact same as it was last year and it may not be next year and I don't believe I'll ever stop being open to expanding my lens. I look forward to what comes next and am excited to be co-creating in this moment as opposed to fighting to survive like I was in the past. I used to be a survivor, today I am a thriver! Much Love and Light to you all!