NO SUBSTITUTE...

When the sun's rays are visible
sunlight illuminates everything.
At night the sun moves
and there is darkness.

I can try to stay in the light.
An electric lamp. A fire.
They are but stored up sunlight.
And very limited.

Or I may simply sit in the darkness.
Feeling a kind of despair, emptiness, and boredom.
Mostly everyone simply goes to sleep.
With faith that in the morning the sunlight will be back.

Krishna is like that.
Sometimes His presence can be very distinctly felt.
Everything is clear. Everything is illuminated.
And then He moves.
He can then only be perceived indirectly.
A kind of darkness prevails.

An intense longing develops.
When will Krishna return?
The darkness without Him is unbearable.
I might make some arrangements
to try to alleviate the emptiness.
Become busy with this or that.
But it only works for a little while.
There is no substitute" for Krishna.

And then He's back.
And like a small child finally seeing their wonderful parent,
or a puppy overwhelmed with the presence of their owner,
or a lover meeting their loved one
after a long separation
I am elated.

"Never mind You were gone.
You are back that is all that matters."
And there are tears of joy.

He asks,
"Did you miss me?
I never forgot you.
I had some duties to attend to.
I would never leave you.
I will always come to you.
Please forgive me for being away
It's just part of who I am."

"O my Lord, O primeval philosopher, maintainer of the universe, O regulating principle, destination of the pure devotees, well-wisher of the progenitors of mankind, please remove the effulgence of Your transcendental rays so that I can see Your form of bliss. You are the eternal Supreme Personality of Godhead, like unto the sun, as am I." ISO 16

Link to text: https://prabhupadabooks.com/iso/iso_16