221022

Dear ABBY
I have two sons, 18 and 20.
Since they were young, whenever we invited one of their friends to join us for an activity, dinner, etc., I have treated that friend.
Over the past few years, we have included one friend in more activities as well as on numerous family vacations.
The problem is, the more we have treated this friend, the more he has expected.
For example, during our last weeklong vacation, he expected us to pay not only for every meal, but also every little incidental.
When he was once asked for $10 by a vendor, he immediately complained.(It was for a short safety class so he could jet ski as our guest.)
Before he was 18, his parents sent money to help cover expenses, but now I cover it all.
This would be a lot easier to accept if he even once said "thank you" or seemed appreciative.
Aside from this, he's a pleasant, respectful 19-year-old who has been my sons' friend for almost 10 years.
Should I say something to him?
Should I ask if he enjoys our trips and activities and if he can cover some of his own expenses?
It is easily financially feasible.
I don't want to risk my son's friendship, but I feel the situation has gotten out of hand. -- Not An ATM in The South

Dear Not An ATM
You mentioned this young man's parents stopped reimbursing you for their son's expenses when he turned 18.
What other things do they expect him to start shouldering responsibility for?
You have been more than generous by continuing to subsidize him.
Because you are uncomfortable with the situation, a conversation is overdue about how these things should be handled in the future.
Be sure to let him know that he is always welcome, but now he is and adult and some ground rules need to be set.
And since your son's friend seems not to have mastered the words "thank you," it would be a kindness to remind him how important they are.