[도서] The Art of Loving 사랑의 기술

에리히 프롬의 사랑의 기술

처음에 이 책 제목만 보면 19금 책으로 오인 할 수도 있지만

실제로는 "사랑"이라는 것이 "기술적" 혹은 "과학적"으로 접근을 할 수 있다는 책입니다.

Art의 의미가 예술이나 미술이 아니라 기술 또는 인위적이라는 의미를 가진 것으로

Artificial, Artisan, Artifice 등의 단어에서도 사용되죠.

손자병법의 경우도 영어로는 Art of War라고 표현 됩니다.

제가 책을 읽으면서 발췌한 부분들인데

한 번 올려 봅니다

If you have read this book, please feel free to leave a comment on how you feel about this book.

Do you agree with what Erich had said?

Is "love" a technique which helps people to co-exist and produce offspring?

What specifically makes a person attractive depends on the fashion of the time, physically as well as mentally.Read more at location 68Add a note

Two persons thus fall in love when they feel they have found the best object available on the market, considering the limitations of their own exchange values.Read more at location 73Add a note

The first step to take is to become aware that love is an art, just as living is an art; if we want to learn how to love we must proceed in the same way we have to proceed if we want to learn any other art, say music, painting, carpentry, or the art of medicine or engineering.Read more at location 91Add a note

The process of learning an art can be divided conveniently into two parts: one, the mastery of the theory; the other, the mastery of the practice.Read more at location 94Add a note

But, aside from learning the theory and practice, there is a third factor necessary to becoming a master in any art—the mastery of the art must be a matter of ultimate concern; there must be nothing else in the world more important than the art.Read more at location 98Add a note

the search for the sexual orgasm assumes a function which makes it not very different from alcoholism and drug addiction. It becomes a desperate attempt to escape the anxiety engendered by separateness, and it results in an ever-increasing sense of separateness, since the sexual act without love never bridges the gap between two human beings, except momentarily.Read more at location 170Add a note

All forms of orgiastic union have three characteristics: they are intense, even violent; they occur in the total personality, mind and body; they are transitory and periodical.Read more at location 172Add a note

Exactly the opposite holds true for that form of union which is by far the most frequent solution chosen by man in the past and in the present: the union based on conformity with the group, its customs, practices and beliefs. Here again we find a considerable development.Read more at location 173Add a note

Equality today means “sameness,” rather than “oneness.”Read more at location 206Add a note

the role of the work routine and of the pleasure routine.Read more at location 223Add a note

Fun is routinized in similar, although not quite as drastic ways. Books are selected by the book clubs, movies by the film and theater owners and the advertising slogans paid for by them; the rest is also uniform: the Sunday ride in the car, the television session, the card game, the social parties. From birth to death, from Monday to Monday, from morning to evening—all activities are routinized, and prefabricated. How should a man caught in this net of routine not forget that he is a man, a unique individual, one who is given only this one chance of living, with hopes and disappointments, with sorrow and fear, with the longing for love and the dread of the nothing and of separateness?Read more at location 227Add a note

The full answer lies in the achievement of interpersonal union, of fusion with another person, in love.Read more at location 240Add a note

In contrast to symbiotic union, mature love is union under the condition of preserving one’s integrity, one’s individuality.Read more at location 273Add a note

the active character of love can be described by stating that love is primarily giving, not receiving.Read more at location 294Add a note

For the productive character, giving has an entirely different meaning. Giving is the highest expression of potency.Read more at location 302Add a note

Beyond the element of giving, the active character of love becomes evident in the fact that it always implies certain basic elements, common to all forms of love. These are care, responsibility, respect and knowledge.Read more at location 341Add a note

I want the loved person to grow and unfold for his own sake, and in his own ways, and not for the purpose of serving me.Read more at location 369Add a note

Respect exists only on the basis of freedom:Read more at location 372Add a note

Sadism is motivated by the wish, to know the secret, yet I remain as ignorant as I was before. I have torn the other being apart limb from limb, yet all I have done is to destroy him. Love is the only way of knowledge, which in the act of union answers my quest.Read more at location 400Add a note

Psychology as a science has its limitations, and, as the logical consequence of theology is mysticism, so the ultimate consequence of psychology is love.Read more at location 418Note: ????? How???? Edit

(The homosexual deviation is a failure to attain this polarized union, and thus the homosexual suffers from the pain of never resolved separateness; a failure, however, which he shares with the average heterosexual who cannot love.)Read more at location 433Add a note
Real is only what is within; what is outside is real only in terms of my needs—never in terms of its own qualities or needs.Read more at location 496Add a note

If I truly love one person I love all persons, I love the world, I love life. If I can say to somebody else, “I love you,” I must be able to say, “I love in you everybody, I love through you the world, I love in you also myself.”Read more at location 592Add a note
is for this altruistic, unselfish character that motherly love has been considered the highest kind of love, and the most sacred of all emotional bonds.Read more at location 637Add a note

Love can inspire the wish for sexual union; in this case the physical relationship is lacking in greediness, in a wish to conquer or to be conquered, but is blended with tenderness. If the desire for physical union is not stimulated by love, if erotic love is not also brotherly love, it never leads to union in more than an orgiastic, transitory sense. Sexual attraction creates, for the moment, the illusion of union, yet without love this “union” leaves strangers as far apart as they were before—sometimes it makes them ashamed of each other, or even makes them hate each other, because when the illusion has gone they feel their estrangement even more markedly than before.Read more at location 690Add a note

Frequently the exclusiveness of erotic love is misinterpreted as meaning possessive attachment.Read more at location 697Add a note

In contemporary Western culture this idea appears altogether false. Love is supposed to be the outcome of a spontaneous, emotional reaction, of suddenly being gripped by an irresistible feeling. In this view, one sees only the peculiarities of the two individuals involved—and not the fact that all men are part of Adam, and all women part of Eve.Read more at location 709Add a note

Genuine love is an expression of productiveness and implies care, respect, responsibility and knowledge.Read more at location 747Add a note

She is over-concerned not because she loves the child too much, but because she has to compensate for her lack of capacity to love him at all.Read more at location 771Add a note

Meister Eckhart on this topic: “If you love yourself, you love everybody else as you do yourself. As long as you love another person less than you love yourself, you will not really succeed in loving yourself, but if you love all alike, including yourself, you will love them as one person and that person is both God and man. Thus he is a great and righteous person who, loving himself, loves all others equally.”[14]Read more at location 792Add a note
Automatons cannot love; they can exchange their “personality packages” and hope for a fair bargain.Read more at location 1077Add a note

In this concept of love and marriage the main emphasis is on finding a refuge from an otherwise unbearable sense of aloneness. In “love” one has found, at last, a haven from aloneness. One forms an alliance of two against the world, and this egoism à deux is mistaken for love and intimacy.Read more at location 1085Add a note