no life. not sure what it is. or what to call it. get to know me better.

GIANT DISCLAIMER. the following words thought and ideas. this disclaimer is very usefull to hide the first lines of the real content from the post view. haha. which starts now.

i aint got no life. insomnia is killing me every night
. i want to have a life. but the past is too complex for me to get it right.
I shouldnt think twice. this life is life, and i cant live it how i want.
. it's hard to explain, but they want to see me go the path i do not like
i expect none, to come out of nowhere and guide me to the light
. it's hard to find one, the one person who can clearly understand what i am
i aint too complex, watching world through simple views
. i dont have a thing, to share with anyone about my life
i'm just painting stripes, in the sands but the rain falls down every night
. i know what is right, but it seems the only way to win is to bluff.
it doesnt seem right. scams on every corner not sure which is what i need.
. i dont want to hide, but the things you dont see, dont make you feel a thing
i'm not trying hard. cos everytime i close my eyes it just resets back to the start
. i didnt know it was a race, realized it way too late
i know whats the price, time lost in arguments of voices that all fade.
. i dont have a mind, the skill set is all i have the rest is not mine.
i can't help but see, what this stress has done to me,
. i feel whats not right, everything's on standstill altough the clock is moving by
i pretend to be, a stranger with a deep gaze with intention, direction and personality
. i cant fool myself, dont know where to go or who to ask for help
i may have said some things, you a fool if you believe all that you hear.
. i aint special in no way, just a guy with many problems
i can overcome, in time i can learn to solve them one by one
. i once was a child who could become anything.
im not trying to be nice. i am, quiet by nature no need to say a thing
. i just think its nice, when people think you have a life
i think like this, cos i aint got no life. but i shouldnt care, what others think cos this is not their life.
end

humble by nature, most things has stayed the same, some things have changed.
but i am quite the same which i am proud about.
this piece that i wrote was but a outline of everything in my way, and serves to see where i should be going.
to experience such things was no fun. but that made me appreciate genuine people more.
life doesnt need to be complex , people make it complex,
when individuals are not doing what they should be doing. your undoing dont stop there,
instead they are like an avalanche.and others got burried under it.
if you think about it long enough that your problems started from 90% from others undoings.
and the people who had suffered from their others undoings, im talking about parents.
undoings like , not raising children properly, not teaching children about life. LIFE ISNT a cartoon, life isnt LEGO, life isnt KINDERGARDEN. life has consequence.
but no need to dwell on the past for long, when you can CREATE wonders.

after interesting days spending/stumbling into
@meno feed especially the last dlive helpienaut talk.
i decided to post this i wrote it quite some time ago mind you,
when not in a good mood... it is easier
to know what you are dealing with if it is infront of you.
you cant fight an invisible adversary per say.
i wish problems to go away like so,
stack them like tetris and eliminate them line by line.
it is very important, it is describing who i was and not necessarily who i will become.

i am not @meno so i cannot spin things always in a positive way.
but i know that one day will come. when you will laugh about your problems,
i will laugh about my problems.
cos without them we would never could get here at this point.
to know the true value of a person/human being.
stronger cos of them, changed but not broken, even wiser than ever.
i believe that everything that has passed will play a essential role in your future life.
from the things you learned, to the things you will learn.
prerequisites are essential. and you cant have them if you quit. so dont quit.

started knowme TAG where you can get to know stemian experiences and personalities.

more or less intuitive use of steemit try it busy.org

as always be kind. and steem on.
sorry about the rant.
if anyone could teach me how to communicate through memo keys i would appreciate that.