RE: The Kraken - KillerPoetry Entry
Very good! Seriously powerful imagery. You can feel the ferocity of the storm and the dark, immense strength of the monster. I love it! If you don't mind a little critiquing....keep working on the rhythm. For instance, verse three might flow better if you went something like: And never did a star's light shine....On the lost or on the forlorn. If you read that out loud, the accents and the cadence just "flow" better. Feel free to disagree. I know how personal poetry is and criticism always needs to be taken with a grain of salt but that's just my sense of it. As I started with, very strong imagery. Well done. I'll keep reading if you keep writing.... :-)
Incidentally, I appreciate you reading my stuff. @papa-pepper has a "weird" contest he's putting on and I posted a little poem to his meme. (You'll understand if you check it out). Another little poetry contest we can all take a whack at. Pretty good prize at stake.....Keep on Steemin' On!
Thank you, I really struggling to find a picture so I am happy the imagery in the poem managed to convey that on its own. That is interesting, when I read it out loud I probably read it differently cos I wrote it, so it is good to heard how it sounds to someone else. It was a deliberate choice to use poetic contractions from mid history english to give it the feel of an old sea faring poem passed down through generations. It is some good feedback though as a lot of people reading probably aren't as familiar with these words and I never thought about how much it may throw the rhythm with a different accent. It is definitely something I will bear in mind with poems I write for this platform.
Ahhh thank you, this looks like such a fun contest. Your entry is fantastic! I have started working on one, hopefully it will be ready in time :)
Not a problem. As I said, I enjoy reading your poems and this one really has some powerful imagery so I was just adding my two cents in helping you possibly get the most out of it you can. I will also point out that most poems I write are never complete the first time I write them. I find it's usually best to let them stew for a few days and then go back to them. Usually when I do that I find lines that aren't quite "right" or words that don't quite fit and I can re-work them into something better. That would be my advice for you here. I think this has the makings of a really great poem and with some more work you could smooth out a few of the rough edges and truly make it epic. Keep up the great work!
PS. As for the other contest....you realize you'll now have to split the prize with me if you win, right? Since I pointed you to it.... lol
I have been working on this one for quite a while, but I did really want to get it to a point I could enter it in this contest! Damn the temptation of a deadline lol, but thank you, because I will put this back in the return to pile and give it another look at in a week or two. I did cut two verses, rewrite a few and add one, so there is a good bit I can play around with it still.
Hmm I think you may be backing the wrong pony for that one lol! Then again, I am really struggling to tell if it is finished. I could do with a critical eye to look over it and suggest a few tweaks if I am gonna stand a chance, for a cut of course...