Correct Behavior Without Crushing Character

Over the years, I’ve developed 10 ways you can do so. They aren’t perfect, and they may need to be modified somewhat to adapt to certain personality types. But, by and large, they’re effective.

Discipline with Consistency. Remember how many times you fell off that two-wheeler before you finally got your balance? Same holds true for your kids. Little ones may repeat the same bad behavior time after time after time. Remember Ephesians 6 (especially you, Dad), and consistently show them the right behavior. No need to lose your cool doing so, either.

Clearly Express Your Expectations. More often than not, children generally want to please their parents. When they do, they feel a great sense of security. But when they don’t, they’ll react in one of two ways. They’ll either feel miserable for disappointing you, or defiant and defensive because they know you’re upset. They need to know that they’ve broken a rule, nothing more. They’re in no danger of losing your love. Clearly expressing a consistent standard goes a long way toward helping a child correct bad behavior on his or her own.

Involve Your Child in Consequential Decision-Making. If you’re already putting the first two principles in action, this one’s a no-brainer. You’ve established the rules. You correct bad behavior consistently (in other words, there’s no getting around the consequences). Now, you give the child the opportunity to take real ownership for their actions by determining their own consequences (or helping to establish them, at least).

“Let the Punishment Fit the Crime.” As obvious as this might sound, I’m always amazed to hear of a parent who grounded his daughter for a month because she forgot to set the table for dinner . . . once. A missed homework assignment might be grounds for a night without television; coming home four hours past curfew should warrant a more serious consequence.

Discipline Calmly. Ever heard the expression, “Perception is reality?” Well, it is – especially when you need to discipline your kids. When you’re upset, you’re in no shape to mete out effective discipline. There’s a difference between punishment and discipline . . . and the difference is control. The out-of-control parent punishes a child out of anger; the parent in control disciplines to correct bad behavior.